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Learn More: Survivors Empowerment Support Group FAQs

Joining a support group can feel intimidating, and that’s completely understandable. Because of this, I wanted to share more about the four-week psychoeducational support group I’m hosting for adult women survivors of childhood sexual abuse starting on March 17th, 2025.

To help ease any concerns, I’ve put together some of the most common questions I receive about the group. Hopefully, this gives you a better idea of what to expect and helps you feel more comfortable about taking the next step!

What is this group all about?

This group offers a supportive space for adult women survivors of childhood sexual abuse to learn, connect, and heal. Over the course of four weeks, we’ll explore:

  • Common reactions to trauma
  • How past experiences show up in adulthood
  • Coping strategies to manage symptoms

Each session is a mixture between short presentations, maybe 10-15 minutes about trauma responses, coping skills, & other relevant topics, followed by open discussion. This is where you can share your thoughts, ask questions, or just listen- whatever level of participation that feels right for you! Again, there is no expectation or pressure for you to share any part of your history. The focus is on learning, gaining support, and feeling empowered in your healing journey.

“I’m nervous about joining!” and “What if I feel overwhelmed or need extra support?”

Feeling nervous is completely normal, and you’re not alone in that! This group is designed to support you at your own pace. If at any point you feel overwhelmed, it’s okay to take a step back. You can turn your camera off or step away for a few minutes. There’s no pressure to participate beyond what feels comfortable for you.

If you need extra support, I’m always available to help—whether that’s during a session or in a one-on-one conversation outside of the group. The most important thing is that you feel safe, comfortable, and supported during this time.

What have past participants said about the group?

Many past participants have expressed relief in finally connecting with others who truly understand. One person even described it as “finding others on a deserted island”—it felt so comforting to know she wasn’t alone anymore.

Participants have shared that they love the welcoming and no-pressure environment, the empowering discussions, and the practical coping tools they’ve gained. Overall, it’s a space where people feel heard, supported, and less isolated.

Can this group continue beyond the four weeks?

Yes! If there’s enough interest and commitment from participants, there’s a possibility of continuing the group on a biweekly or monthly basis for ongoing support and connection.

Is this group confidential?

Yes! Confidentiality is a top priority. What is shared in the group stays in the group, and everyone is expected to respect each other’s privacy.

How many people will be in the group?

To maintain a safe and intimate environment, the group will be kept small—typically between 6 to 10 participants.

Who is leading the group?

I’m Janel Wetzel, a trauma therapist specializing in working with adult survivors of childhood sexual abuse. I have over 10 years of experience working with survivors in various settings. I’m a Certified Clinical Trauma Professional, trained in EMDR therapy, and deeply passionate about Internal Family Systems therapy. When I’m not working with clients, I’m chasing around my two children, spending time with my husband, and enjoying big family dinners with friends and loved ones.

Interested in joining?

These are just a few of the questions I often hear, but if you have any others, please don’t hesitate to reach out!

If you’re interested in signing up, email me at Janel@LovingCircleCounseling.com.

This group was created for the community—because when 38% of adult women have experienced childhood sexual abuse, groups like these are truly needed.

You are worth it.

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Unlocking Wellness: The Power of Journaling for Mental Health

Benefits of Journaling

Journaling offers many mental health benefits. Whether you prefer typing it out on the computer, the notes app on your phone, or pen and paper, journaling provides an outlet for emotional expression. This form of communication can be a great tool for processing complex emotions, reducing the intensity, and providing an overall sense of relief.

Additionally, journaling serves as a form of stress reduction by enabling individuals to unload worries, fears, and concerns onto paper. Externalizing thoughts can lead to a clearer and more organized mind, ultimately reducing stress and anxiety. Using journaling as a creative outlet can be stress-relieving for some. Self-expression allows individuals to explore their creativity through writing, drawing, or collage. This creative expression promotes relaxation, enjoyment, and a sense of fulfillment.

Journaling facilitates problem-solving by helping individuals identify and process challenges in their lives. By exploring potential solutions, they can gain clarity and perspective, making it easier to develop effective strategies for addressing issues. Organizing worries on paper can provide mental space for more positivity and optimism to see the stressors in a different light.

As a mental health clinician, I recommend journaling to encourage self-reflection. By examining thoughts, behaviors, and patterns over time, individuals can gain valuable insights into their emotions, values, and goals, fostering personal growth and development. Through self-reflection, journaling can promote self-compassion and self-acceptance by validating one’s own feelings and experiences.

Overall, journaling is a powerful tool for enhancing mental health and well-being, offering opportunities for emotional expression, stress reduction, self-reflection, problem-solving, gratitude, validation, and creative expression.

Reflection Questions: SELF-LOVE

  1. What does self-love mean to you personally?
  2. What are some common challenges to practicing self-love? How do you overcome these obstacles?
  3. How has your relationship with yourself evolved over time?
  4. How does self-love impact your relationship with others?
  5. What are some misconceptions about self-love?
  6. Can you share any tips for others who may be struggling with self-love?


Journaling is a versatile and powerful tool for nurturing mental health and well-being. Whether you prefer to jot down your thoughts with pen and paper or type them out on a digital device, the act of journaling offers numerous benefits, including emotional expression, stress reduction, self-reflection, and creative exploration. As we embark on this journey of self-discovery and healing through journaling, I invite you to join me in periodic reflections on self-love and personal growth. Through these reflection questions, we can deepen our understanding of ourselves, cultivate self-compassion, and foster a greater sense of well-being. Together, let’s embrace the transformative power of journaling to unlock our inner wisdom and resilience.

Janel Wetzel
(517) 258-0330
Loving Circle Counseling
800 Hilton Rd, Ste 8
Ferndale, MI 48220
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The Therapy Breakdown: A Beginner’s Guide To Getting Started

By Janel Wetzel, LMSW CCTP
Trauma Therapist

Frequently, therapists receive questions like, “What exactly happens during therapy sessions?” and “When is the right time to seek therapy?” These are excellent questions, and I’m here to break it down a little! In this article, I’ll be providing insights into what transpires in a session, guiding you on when therapy might be beneficial, and offering tips on finding the right therapist.

What Is Therapy?

Therapy or counseling is a process where licensed professionals such as a therapist or counselor provide a safe, confidential space for individuals to gain a greater understanding of their emotions, thoughts, and behaviors, as well as their past experiences, interpersonal relationships, and sense of self. Collaboratively, the therapist and client will create goals that will be the focus of their journey together. Common therapeutic treatment goals might involve processing past experiences and relationships, overcoming current challenges, learning coping skills, and promoting a greater sense of worth and well-being. Within the goals, the therapeutic team will establish an anticipated timeline which will determine the approximate timeframe.

During each session, the therapist will use a specific intervention tailored to each client. A few therapeutic approaches might be Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT), Eye Movement Desensitization & Reprocessing (EMDR), or Internal Family Systems (IFS). Each intervention focuses on different presenting issues with specific exercises and tools associated. The therapist will use their clinical experience to determine which intervention would be the best fit for the client.

When Might Therapy Be Beneficial For Someone?

Everyone struggles with obstacles at some point in their life. We all have experiences from our past that we think about periodically, or certain memories that stick with us despite efforts to minimize. Feelings of sadness and bouts of depression have most likely affected everyone at some point in their life.

However, when should someone reach out for professional help? One way to know for sure is by asking yourself if your mental health concerns are starting to negatively impact your ability to function occupationally, relationally, and emotionally. Are you noticing your work responsibilities are not being completed? Perhaps increased irritability and isolation are keeping you from friends? Is your sleep being significantly interrupted because of ruminating thoughts or excessive worry? These might be signs you are ready for a little extra support. Seeking therapy can help you regain control by exploring what’s at the root of the symptoms and then learning some ways to manage and overcome.

Some other signs one could benefit from therapy:

  • Ongoing feelings of distress, sadness, anxiety, or stress despite efforts to minimize. No matter how many walks you go on, self-care efforts, or hours spent with bucket-filling people, the distress remains.
  • Relational conflict is very common for therapeutic support. Conflict with loved ones, friends, coworkers can take up a significant amount of mental space causing worry, stress, and even trigger past trauma wounds.
  • Any form of grief: death of a loved one, anticipatory grief, collective grief, chronic grief. End of a relationship, major life change, any type of significant transition can cause emotional turmoil.
  • Low self-esteem, self-worth, and self-love can impact ability to function at one’s highest potential.
  • Struggling with personal development such as personal growth, self-identity, or exploring career advancement.
  • Unresolved trauma from the past or present.

How To Find The Right Therapist

Finding the right therapist can be difficult and time-consuming when you are unsure what to even look for! It is important to find a therapist you feel comfortable with in order to have a productive therapy experience. You are entering into a very psychologically and personally intimate relationship, so it is important you connect with a few different therapists and ask questions to feel comfortable moving forward. Reaching out for therapy is extremely brave and vulnerable so you might as well make it worth it!

Here are a few questions that may be helpful in making your selection:

  • Ask about their experience related to your symptoms or reason for coming to therapy.
  • Explore what their expertise is and what makes them credible in that area.
  • Consider what therapeutic interventions they would use based on your presenting issues.
  • Learn which insurance the therapist accepts and if they accept Out-Of-Network coverage, as well as out-of-pocket fees if your insurance does not match.

Most private practice clinicians will offer a free 15-minute phone consultation where you can ask these questions. Additional common questions I receive during this time are:

  • Do you give homework between sessions?
  • What does a typical session look like?
  • How long have you been a therapist?

If you are seeking therapy to process and explore unresolved trauma, it is highly recommended you ask trauma-related questions, such as:  

  • Are you trauma-informed?
  • What is your approach in working with complex trauma?
  • Do you have experience working with clients who have experienced physical/sexual/emotional/etc childhood trauma? (related to your specific type of trauma)

Asking these questions can help you assess if the therapist’s style, approach, and general personality align with your needs and preferences. Ask yourself, “What am I looking to get out of therapy?” and then reflect if the therapist’s answers will help guide you there. Trust your instincts!

The reality is that therapy can look so different for everyone and it’s so important to identify what feels right for you. As we breakdown the therapeutic process, it becomes clear that therapy isn’t just about “fixing” our current symptoms. It’s about our overall well-being and addressing what’s at the root of the symptom. By recognizing the signs for professional help and understanding the importance of finding the right therapist, we empower ourselves to start our healing journey and become the best versions of ourselves. Remember, the decision to seek therapy is incredibly brave. Lean into what this journey has to offer, trust the process, and embrace the opportunities for growth that lie ahead.

Email me with questions!
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How to Get Through The Holidays

Let’s be honest for a second. The holiday season isn’t always merry, cheery, and bright for everyone.

The thought of being in a room with parents, siblings, grandparents, cousins-once-removed, that aunt or uncle no one’s really sure how they are connected might feel super overwhelming; and, quite frankly, less than desirable right now. Aunt Susie asking 20 times if you want seconds, dodging political convos at all costs, avoiding the family drama- This requires mental energy and it might even cause serious anxiety and mental health triggers.

It’s okay to not see the “joy” and “magic” during the holidays. It’s okay to be right where you are. I’ve asked some clients of mine to contribute to this post. I asked them, “How are we going to maintain boundaries and manage triggers for the next 30+ days?” I’ve compiled a list of their responses and included them in this post. And, I have to admit, coming for a clinical perspective, these are spot on.

LISTEN TO YOUR BODY

Sure, it’s important to get in as much family time as possible during the holiday season, especially with those out-of-towners. However, it’s also super important to get enough rest. Holidays require days, sometimes even weeks of preparing, cooking, baking, traveling, stress, anxiety, and so much more! Be sure to balance this madness with the proper self-care by snuggling up to watch Hallmark movies, meditating, taking a bubble bath, or simply skipping the umpteenth holiday party to stay home and rest- whatever your body is telling you.

TAKE BREAKS

There is nothing wrong with taking a few minutes to yourself at the holiday party. Walking away from the family chaos into a quiet room or running to the store to get an unneeded/unnecessary extra gallon of milk to regroup and recharge is perfectly acceptable. In fact, it is high encouraged! Listen to the signals your body is giving you. Are you beginning to feel anxious? Irritable? Sad? Be mindful of what’s going on inside and escape to a peaceful place as needed.

IT’S OKAY TO SAY “NO”

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but IT’S OKAY TO SAY “NO.” Saying no to that extra piece of pie Aunt Carol is pushing; saying “no” to a conversation topic; saying “no” to the holiday party if it means over-exhausting yourself; saying “no” to do what is right for you and your family. This is all okay! Setting and maintaining boundaries can be difficult with family members, especially during the holidays. Saying, “I appreciate the invite, however, I will be staying home this year” might be the key to a happy, healthy holiday for you.

ACKNOWLEDGE TRIGGERS

It’s perfectly normal for those with trauma histories to be triggered by the holidays. Seeing family members after years of silence; memories surrounding the season; and feelings that have been buried may come up. If you think this is a possibility, reach out to a therapist! Feeling in control of our emotions and learning ways to manage these triggers will come in handy when faced with these obstacles. It also doesn’t hurt to create a “mental health toolbox “- dorky and cliché, I know, but it totally works! Fill your purse, small bag, or coat pocket with the following small essentials to help ground yourself during moments of charged emotions:

  • Hard candies, preferably something sour, lemon, or peppermint
  • Peppermint gum
  • A nail file
  • A small clove of garlic… just kidding, but something smelly like hand sanitizer!

The point is to fill our “toolbox” with items that engage our senses. This brings us back into our window of tolerance, in touch with our bodies, and acknowledges the present moment. If you are interested in more ways to cope with triggers, check out my other blog post for more tips!

ASK FOR HELP

There’s no surprise the extra stress of the holidays can stir up some holiday blues. Whether you are grieving loved ones who are no longer with us, relationships you wish were different, people you wish were here, and the uncertainty of the future- you are not alone this holiday season. If you notice the impact of the holiday season is starting to overwhelm you, be sure to connect with someone you feel safe with. Ask them to go for a walk, grab a cup of coffee, or just to sit with you so you are not alone.

Remember, this is your holiday season, too. You are worthy and deserving of experiencing your holiday in the mental and physical space that you choose.

Janel Wetzel, LMSW, CTP
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Why Attend Support Groups For Childhood Trauma

Have you ever felt like your trauma has kept you from opening up to others? Fearful of being judged, pitied, or treated differently based on your past life experiences? You’ve learned that not everyone is supportive or accepting of your past so you keep your pain to yourself, hidden from the world. Because of this, you struggle with feeling real emotions, genuine connection with others, and true intimacy.

You are not alone in feeling this way, but there is hope. Imagine being surrounded by loving women who see you for who you are, not what happened to you. They support you, listen to you, and empathize with you in a way like never before because they too experienced unthinkable pain in their childhood.

Support groups can offer this space of peace and empowerment; knowledge and acceptance; validation and support. Survivors can come together to empower one another; share similar experiences; and relate to thoughts and feelings you’ve kept secret for so many years. The many benefits of support groups can be transformative, empowering, and life-altering.

Realize You’re Not Alone

You might not have to read much further after this first reason! Who else loves solidarity?! The ability to connect with others on issues that have developed as a result of our childhood trauma can be transformative in our healing process. Knowing that others have spent time wondering the same thoughts you have and feeling the same emotions you did after all these years is comforting. These are normal, common reactions to childhood trauma… and here’s proof!

Build A Community Of Strong Women

After realizing the members in the group have also experienced similar pain, you are more likely to open up and connect on a deeper level than ever before. This allows us to be seen for who we are and not for what happened to us. You are more than your trauma, and this community recognizes and accepts that.

Learn Helpful Information

Grounding techniques, coping skills, and psychoeducation are incredibly helpful tools to have on our healing journey. What better way to learn these than from people who have found their results effective firsthand. Learn from other resilient women how they manage unwanted emotions, anxiety, and PTSD triggers. Licensed facilitators are there to teach psychoeducation as it relates to your abuse as well. Knowledge is power!

Express Feelings

Wait, what are feelings? We’ve learned after all these years the importance of denying any feelings from coming to the surface. We force them to stay trapped in a small box with multiple padlocks in the back of our mental closets. Not anymore! Support groups have a way of empowering participants to access those feelings and to express them in the comfort of their peers. Remember, you are not alone. Odds are, the feelings you are expressing, your community of strong survivor women you just met can most likely relate in one way or another.

Gain hope

Support groups host participants from all stages of the healing process. Some women have started their journey years ago, while others are just beginning. This is the beauty of a support group. We can learn from our safe and extraordinary group of magical women by seeing and hearing firsthand that life can get be better. There is hope, and they are proof.

What do you have to lose? Not only can you learn from other survivors, but you have a lot to offer as well. You are a survivor. This alone deserves to be shouted from the rooftops. With this title you have joined a club you did not ask to be a part of. However, let’s take the power back and make this club something powerful, influential, and kick-ass. You have been through hell and back. It’s time for you to do something for yourself and for your personal growth.

If you are interested in joining the Survivors Empowerment Group for womxn survivors of childhood sexual abuse, please check out the Support Groups page. You will find more detailed information about the group, as well as the link to register. Once you have completed the Survivors Empowerment Group then you are eligible for the Life After Childhood Sexual Abuse support group for continued support. For further information, contact Janel Wetzel, LMSW.

Sign up for Survivors Empowerment Group
Email Janel for more info
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You Might Actually Be Able To Blame Your Parents

Ever wonder how the relationship you had with your parents as a child impacts you today as an adult? Do you think the way they treated you, talked to you, addressed your basic needs affects how you view yourself? Do you find yourself attracted to the same emotionally unavailable romantic partners despite the many heartaches in the past?

The attachment style you share with your caregiver may be to blame.

What is Attachment Theory?

According to the Random House Unabridged Dictionary, the general definition of Attachment Theory is described as the following:

“A set of concepts that explain the emergence of an emotional bond between an infant and primary caregiver; And the way in which this bond affects the child’s behavioral and emotional development into adulthood.”

…But, what does this mean? The Attachment Theory, created by John Bowlby and collaborated with Mary Ainsworth, is a concept to explain the bond between a child and his/her main caregiver. The theory is categorized into 4 different types of attachment styles: Secure, Insecure Avoidant, Ambivalent/resistant, and Disorganized. The way we connect to our caregivers throughout infancy dictates our relationship patterns throughout adulthood and is based on our internal working models, or, also known as, core beliefs.

Children use their attachment figure as a secure base for exploring the world. When they feel safe, they will venture out and explore the physical world, as well as the social world. This sense of felt safety, fostered by their caregiver, is crucial when developing a sense of self and how they identify with the world. This attachment to our caregivers also impacts our social development which formulates how we view our needs, other people’s needs, and our perception of the world. How the relationship between child and caregiver is in early childhood dictates how our future relationships will be later on in life.

Harlow’s Monkeys

This theory proves that there is so much more to a child/caregiver bond than just providing food and nutrients. Children need to feel safety, security, and comfort, in addition to having their basic needs met. There was a controversial study done in the 1960’s involving monkeys which demonstrated how essential an emotional attachment with their caregiver was to have healthy development. Researchers created two surrogate monkey mothers, one made of wire and wood that provided food, while the other was made of soft cloth that solely provided comfort. After many weeks, the researchers found that baby monkeys spent all of their time clinging to the soft cloth mother who provided the snuggles. Even when the monkey was hungry, he would quickly feed from the wood mother then return to the comfort mother immediately after. Each time the baby monkey was subjected to an emotionally distressing object, the monkey would run to the mother that provided comfort, never to the mother who provided food. This concluded that there is more to developing an emotional bond than simply providing food and nutrients, as was once thought. Although the means to obtaining this information was viewed by some as unethical, the results changed the way psychiatrists and professionals understood attachment and social behavior.

Attachment Styles

Research shows that a baby between birth and up to 5-years-old can form an attachment with just about anyone. Predominately, the child forms the most impactful attachment with the primary caregiver, such as mom or dad, however, anyone who is around the child the most. Who is answering their cries? Fulfilling their needs? Providing basic safety, security, and comfort? Based on how this caregiver responds to the child’s needs, the attachment styles are created and there are 4 main ways these are categorized: Secure Attachment; Insecure Avoidant; Ambivalent/Resistant; and Disorganized.

SECURE ATTACHMENT

John Bowlby, creator of the Attachment Theory, describes a secure attachment figure to be:
“available, responsive, and helpful.”

(Howe, 2011)

  • Child sees the caregiver as a safe base
    • feels safe to explore the world
  • Confident the caregiver can meet their needs
  • Can seek the caregiver in times of distress
  • Infants are easily soothed by the caregiver
  • Caregiver is sensitive to their signals & responds appropriately EVERY SINGLE TIME
EXAMPLE OF SECURE ATTACHMENT

Here is an example of what a secure attachment looks like. In this Youtube video, between the start of the clip until 1:08, you will observe Bambi’s secure attachment with his mother. Bambi’s loving mother responded appropriately to his needs when he fell. Because he received gentle encouragement and reassurance, he felt safe to try walking again and to explore with friends.

INSECURE AVOIDANT

  • Children investigate environment without any caregiver safe-base
  • Very independent of the attachment figure
    • Both emotionally and physically
  • Does not seek contact during distress
  • Caregiver typically is unresponsive
    • Insensitive and dismissive to child’s needs
    • Unavailable during emotional distress
    • Does not help with difficult tasks
    • Possibly experience avoidant attachment patterns during their own childhood with their caregiver
EXAMPLE OF INSECURE AVOIDANT

Here you will observe an example of what an Insecure Attachment style looks like. As you can see, the child is very uninterested in the caregiver or the stranger. The child does not show any distress when the parent leaves and does not need any comfort from anyone. The child feels comfortable and prefers independent play.

AMBIVALENT/RESISTANT

  • Children do not trust the caregiver
  • Caused by an inconsistent level of response from the caregiver
    • Caregiver responds appropriately to child’s needs only SOMETIMES
  • Wary of strangers
  • Separation anxiety when attachment figure leaves
    • However, can not be comforted or soothed by caregiver upon return
  • Children seem to be reluctant to get as close as they would like to the caregiver
EXAMPLE OF AMBIVALENT/RESISTANT

DISORGANIZED

Mary Ainsworth describes Disorganized Attachment as the following:
       “A child who exhibits behavioral disorganization or disorientation in the form of wandering, confused expressions, freezing, undirected movements, or contradictory (i.e. ‘unorganized’) patterns of interaction with a caregiver.”




(Howe, 2011)

  • Most children have history of trauma and/or abuse
  • Difficulty controlling their emotions and behaviors
  • Possibly aggressive or angry
  • Not trusting of adults & poor social skills
  • May show fear of caregiver
    • Person that should be providing comfort is actually causing fear
  • Attachment style can be caused by unresolved trauma and loss in the caregiver’s life
    • Intergenerational trauma

How Does Attachment Impact Adulthood?

Attachments that are established during our childhood impact us throughout our lifespan. This early bond dictates how we perceive ourselves, others, and the world around us. This concept is known as Internal Working Models or Core Beliefs.

Our Internal Working Models or Core Beliefs are developed based on our connection with our caregivers during the early formative years of our lives. These shape how we treat others, how we treat ourselves, and we expect to be treated. If the caregiver responds appropriately to all of the child’s needs consistently, then the child will feel secure and worthy of love. This will carry into adulthood with expectations of having similar relationships. On the other hand, if the caregiver responds inconsistently to the child’s needs, then the child may enter into adulthood questioning their worthiness of love and respect as they did not receive this regularly in childhood. They may unconsciously seek out similar intimate relationships and friendships for familiarity. They may also develop negative self-image and low self-esteem among others as a result.

Core beliefs are different for everyone. While some may struggle with responsibility and defectiveness, others may find themselves connecting more with needing to be in power or control. It’s important to work with a therapist to discover what internal working models or core beliefs are at the root of your unhealthy relationships, low self-esteem, or negative self-talk.

Attachment & Childhood Trauma

It’s no secret childhood trauma can impact adulthood. But how? Studies show that having an unhealthy attachment to a caregiver during childhood while also experiencing traumas can certainly dictate how you form relationships in adulthood. A person who grew up with a chaotic upbringing may gravitate towards a chaotic romantic relationship or a partner with a similar childhood as their own. Attachment styles aside from secure can cause maladaptive behaviors throughout the lifespan, such as avoidance and withdrawal. It also increases the risk of mental and physical illnesses throughout adulthood.

It’s also important to recognize that the traumas might not even be from your own experiences. Parents who experience their own childhood trauma can often pass their symptoms onto their children unknowingly. A parent may react to triggers from their own unresolved trauma. Their child may witness their parent’s behaviors and reactions to the trauma, as a result, causing the child to be fearful of the parents’ trigger as well as the parent. This is also known as intergenerational trauma.

Effective Interventions

Okay, great. I have an unhealthy attachment with my caregiver and I have negative core beliefs. NOW WHAT?!

Come to therapy! Through awareness, cognitive restructuring, trauma healing, and mindfulness, you can begin to shift your mindset to a more healthy way of thinking. You can manage your core beliefs by challenging them. You can improve your self-esteem and confidence to feel worthy of love and respect. These changes will reflect in how you treat others, treat yourself, and how you expect others to treat you.

There are three main interventions I use in my practice to address unhealthy attachment styles. They are: Eye Movement Desensitization & Reprocessing Therapy (EMDR); Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT); and Mindfulness meditation.

Eye Movement Desensitization & Reprocessing Therapy (EMDR)

  • Intervention used to heal from past traumas and other negative associations.
  • Check out What is EMDR? to learn more about this type of intervention.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)

  • Changes our perceptions including our thoughts, behaviors, and emotions.
    • “What we think affects how we feel and act; what we do affects how we think and feel; and what we feel affects how we think and act.”

Mindfulness Meditation

There is hope for you to interrupt this unhealthy cycle! Do not let your negative childhood experiences hold you back any longer. Through hardwork and therapy, you can change the way you view yourself and the world around you. Let’s start today.

Make An Appointment

Attachment Theory. (n.d.) In Random House Unabridged Dictionary. Retrieved   from https://www.dictionary.com/browse/attachment-theory

Benoit D. (2004). Infant-parent attachment: Definition, types, antecedents,   measurement and   outcome. Paediatrics & child health, 9(8), 541–545.   doi:10.1093/pch/9.8.541

Bowlby, J. (1980). Loss: Sadness & depression. Attachment and loss (vol. 3); (International   psycho-analytical library no.109). London: Hogarth Press.

Bretherton, I. (1992). The origins of attachment theory: John Bowlby and Mary   Ainsworth. Developmental   Psychology, 28(5), 759–775. https://doi-  org.proxy.lib.wayne.edu/10.1037/0012-1649.28.5.759

Howe T.R. (2011) Disorganized/Disoriented Attachment. In: Goldstein S., Naglieri J.A. (eds)   Encyclopedia of  Child Behavior and Development. Springer, Boston, MA

McLeod, S. A. (2018, Aug 05). Mary Ainsworth. Retrieved fromhttps://www.simplypsychology.org/mary-ainsworth.html

Michael Meehan, Bronwyn Massavelli & Nancy Pachana (2017) Using Attachment Theory and Social   Support Theory to Examine and Measure Pets as Sources of Social Support and Attachment   Figures,Anthrozoös, 30:2, 273-289, DOI: 10.1080/08927936.2017.1311050

Rincón-Cortés, M., & Sullivan, R. M. (2014). Early life trauma and attachment: Immediate and   enduring effects on neurobehavioral and stress axis development. Frontiers in   Endocrinology, 5, 33. doi:10.3389/fendo.2014.00033

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Grounding Tools For Managing Trauma Triggers

Before a person starts to process their trauma, it is imperative for them to gain a sense of safety and control within their bodies. This can be accomplished by learning and implementing healthy coping skills and grounding techniques. These can be used when the trauma reactions feel unmanageable and our sense of safety feels compromised.

GROUNDING TECHNIQUES

Grounding techniques are strategies used to bring an individual out of a panic attack, PTSD flashback, unwanted memory, stressful emotion, dissociation, or state of anxiety. They help a person come back to the present by bringing attention to their senses and connecting with their body. Certain grounding techniques are proven by scientific evidence to lower blood pressure, manage pain, and reduce overall stress, depression, and fatigue symptoms. In summary, grounding techniques help turn off the “fight, flight, or freeze” section of the brain and help you bring your attention back to the present to realize that you are not in actual danger.

COPING SKILLS

Coping skills are similar to grounding techniques, however, can be used for more long-term coping, while grounding techniques are used in that immediate state of panic. Coping skills are constructive strategies used to manage anxiety and other life stressors. The strategies require adapting the behaviors, thoughts, and emotions to adjust to the new life stressors. We can use coping skills to manage internal conflict, maintain positive mental health and emotional well-being, cope with positive and/or negative life events, and in every day mundane activities.

Coping skills and grounding techniques can be used simultaneously. It’s not too important to note the difference between the two types of strategies. What is important is that you find at least one or two techniques that help you feel safe in your body, lowers your anxiety, and brings you back to your typical emotional baseline.

I’ve included some of my favorite grounding techniques and coping skills in this blog post with descriptions of how to complete each one. Review the 10 strategies below and find which works best for you. Be sure to reach out if you are struggling to find the right fit!

5-4-3-2-1 Technique

This is a great grounding technique that can be used in panic situations, dissociation, or during symptoms of PTSD. Using the 5-4-3-2-1 technique, you will intentionally focus your attention on your surroundings by using each of your 5 senses. The goal is to purposefully notice small details around you that you otherwise would have missed. Ask yourself the following questions:

What are 5 things you can see right now?
– Search the area for items that you can zoom in on such as patterns on the furniture, a butterfly in the tree, or an object tucked into the corner.

What are 4 things you can physically feel?
– Focus your attention on weight, texture, and other tactile qualities. Feel the soft chair on the back of your legs, notice the ring on your finger, or feel the breeze from the fan.

What are 3 things you can hear?
– Do you notice the sound of the air conditioning? Can you hear people talking in the other room? Do you hear the buzz from a fly? Is your dog snoring nearby? Notice any sounds, near or far, that you can hear.

What are 2 things you can smell?
– Pay attention to any smells in the air such as an air freshener, fabric softener, or freshly brewed coffee. If nothing is coming to mind, look around for something that has a scent like a candle or piece of fruit.

What is one thing you can taste?
– Notice the taste you have in your mouth. Is it the minty taste of freshly brushed teeth? The coffee you drank this morning? Carry gum or a piece of candy with you for this step if you would like and pay close attention to their flavors.

Grounding Toolbox

This technique is very similar to the 5-4-3-2-1 technique in that it also uses the senses to refocus your attention on the present. Find a box that can be place in your car, office, bedroom, or wherever you spend time in often. In the box, gather items that will engage your sense of smell, taste, and touch. For scent, try essential oils, incense, coffee beans, scented lotion, or cinnamon sticks. To engage your tastebuds, try licking a lemon, sucking on an atomic fireball or sour warhead, drinking iced cold water, or swishing mouthwash. For touch, try brushing your hair, filing your nails, snuggling with a soft blanket or weighted blanket, placing an icepack on your body, or splashing cold water on your face. Having one from each of the senses or just having one with you in general is a great way to prevent any unwanted emotions.

Body Awareness

There are several ways this technique can be implemented. Here are just a few:

  • Take 5 long, deep breaths through your nose, and exhale through your mouth.
  • March in place by stomping your feet on the ground for several minutes. Pay attention to the sensation in your feet and legs as they make connection to the ground.
  • Reach your hands over your head as long as they will extend. Hold this position for 5 seconds. Relax this stretch, bring your arms to your side, and rest. Notice any sensations that you feel.

Butterfly Hug- EMDR Therapy

This technique is used in EMDR Therapy, and it allows the client to be in charge of the bilateral stimulation. This helps with learning how to self-soothe, reducing anxiety, and helps with grounding. To practice this technique, wrap yourself in a hug with each hand touching the opposite upper arm or shoulder. Then move your hands like the wings of a butterfly by tapping your upper arms/shoulders in an alternating pattern. Take slow, deep, and intentional breaths while observing your thoughts and any sensations in your body. There is no set time limit, however, can last between 1 to 5 minutes.

Belly Breathing

Belly breathing is a great way to practice slow and intentional breathing. Placing one hand on your belly, feel your hand move as you take a deep breath in through your nose while noticing your belly expand. As you exhale through your mouth, imagine your breath as your anxiety being released from the body. When you become stressed, your brain releases cortisol, aka “stress hormones.” Deep breaths lower your heart rate, lets more oxygen enter the blood stream, and combats the cortisol by sending endorphins, aka “feel good hormones,” to the brain, allowing it to relax.

Affirmation Statements

Truthful, positive affirmation statements can be used to challenge the negative and untrue thoughts that seem to be on repeat when we are stressed and/or anxious. How often do we make hurtful comments to ourselves when we are feeling overwhelmed or anxious? Affirmation statements are great to help flip the narrative and remain more neutral or positive. Start by completing the sentence “I Am _____.” It can be “I am…” enough, brave, strong, resilient, a survivor, worthy, safe… whatever word truly resonates with you! Write this sentence on a 3×5 card or on a sticky note and place it in a spot where you see it daily. Each morning, as well as throughout the day, mindfully, intentionally, and lovingly recite this affirmation to yourself.

Meditation

There are six common types of meditation practice: mindfulness meditation, spiritual meditation, focused meditation, movement meditation, mantra meditation, and transcendental meditation. Each type of meditation can significantly reduce anxiety, pain, depression, and health conditions. Whether you are a pro at it or not, it does not matter. There are many tools that can assist you in accomplishing a productive and healthy meditation. My personal favorite tool is the Insight Timer application. This is great to use if you are looking for a restful sleep, insightful talks, or to find peace and calmness.

Walking Outside

The University of Michigan conducted a study that found walking outside in nature has many mental health benefits, such as decreased depression, improved well-being and mental health, positively impacts mood, and lowers perceived stress. While outside, observe your surroundings! Tap into those senses! Even just a 10-minute wall around the block can significantly improve your mood.

Pet an Animal

This is my personal favorite coping skill! The simple act of petting a dog can instantly produce endorphins and reduce anxiety. According to the director of the Center for Human-Animal Bond at Purdue University, it can also lower blood pressure and release a relaxation hormone. This can be an easy and beneficial activity to do when we are feeling emotionally-charged.

Body Scan Mindfulness

This is another form of meditative practice. It involves mindfully scanning your body for any sensations of pain or tension. Body scans are a great way to connect with your body which can help you identify when you are feeling particularly tense or uneasy. Becoming more aware of your body and learning where you hold most of your tension can lead to a healthier mental well-being. To practice, get comfortable by either lying down or sitting in a position that allows you to be fully stretched out. Practice deep, intentional breaths and bring your attention to a particular body part. I typically start at my toes and work my way up towards my head. As you scan your body, be aware of any sensations of pain, tension, discomfort, or anything out of the ordinary. If you notice any tension or discomfort, imagine releasing that sensation from your body and feel it dissipate. It’s perfectly normal for your mind and thoughts to drift away from your body. However, if you catch yourself doing this, simply get your thoughts back on track by refocusing your awareness to your body scanning. Once you’ve completed your body scan, bring your attention back to your physical surroundings. Here is an awesome article that describes the body scan mindfulness in more detail.

These take practice! We must practice them daily so that we instinctively use them when we are in an emotional state. Find what works for you and stick with it.

If you have any questions about the benefits, how to use them, or when to use them, please reach out to me for further clarification. Coping skills and grounding techniques are such an important and pivotal piece of your mental health healing.

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JanelWetzel@bokettocenter.com
517-258-0330
306 S. Washington Ave
Suite 226
Royal Oak, Michigan 48067
Posted on

Zoom Fatigue

Zoom-fatigue

Video chats after video chats… Are they as helpful as we think?

With a third of the population experiencing a form of lockdown or quarantine, many of us have turned to Zoom to fill our need for social engagement. Zoom is an online video chat platform used to connect with others from the comfort of our own living rooms.

We’ve adopted Zoom to join online exercise classes, for virtual happy hours with friends, have coffee dates with our moms, or for work meetings. Having this option to connect virtually with our loved ones, as well as to complete work obligations, has been immensely helpful and made the quarantine mandate a little more tolerable. Being able to see your nephews play or your grandparents smile whenever you want has been something many of us have been thankful for.

HOWEVER, WHEN DO TOO MANY ZOOM CHATS BECOME TOO MUCH?

A recent study has shown that many of us find these virtual visits exhausting. The BBC Workplace wrote an article recently exposing the “whys” to this common experience. They are calling it “Zoom Fatigue,” because, quite frankly, that is exactly what we’re experiencing!

One of the main reasons why we find online video chatting so exhausting is because it requires more focus than typical face-to-face meetings. We are searching harder for facial expressions; processing body language, or what we can see of the body; and we’re analyzing the tone and pitch of the other’s person voice. This all happens within seconds and we are doing these acts more consciously, whereas they might come more naturally when in person.

Pauses in a conversation is natural. However, during video chats, if a person does not respond, we may automatically assume technology troubles: Did the screen freeze? Is my internet out? Did I lose the connection? Is she still there? A study completed in 2014 showed that a 1.2 second delay perceived the other person as less friendly. This happens frequently in video chats due to internet connections and/or software updates.

Another huge reason we’re struggling with Zoom Fatigue is because video chats are a constant reminder of the relationships we’ve temporarily lost or are distanced from. It is a reminder of why we are quarantined and why we can’t interact with our peers on a face-to-face level. Even when communicating with loved ones, we often find ourselves wanting more or feeling left unsatisfied after our virtual chats.

Our minds believe we are together, but our bodies know otherwise. This mind-body disconnect can be confusing, which can cause exhaustion.

Now we know what Zoom Fatigue is, and we can all agree that this is incredibly REAL. We have a few more weeks of the isolation ban, so what can we do to ease this fatigue?

Listen to your body.

Have you had a migraine for two days? Experiencing upper back pain? Feeling extra irritable lately? This is your body’s way of telling you to take a break.

Set timers to stand up & move or stretch.

There are so many benefits to stretching! It doesn’t have to be downward dog, child’s pose, and any other fancy yoga position. It can be simply standing up from your work desk and reaching down to touch your toes. Or raising your arms as high as they’ll reach. Maybe bending side to side or doing a few deep knee-bends.

Turn your computer to face off to the side.

Having the screen not directly on you may alleviate some of the pressure when in group chats or meetings. It might make you feel less like the only person in the room.

Limit your chats.

Is it necessary to turn the camera on for your work conference call? Can you raincheck the video chat with friends this week? Try taking a break from virtual convos as much as possible. Let your mind recharge from the virtual world.

Write people old fashioned letters.

Grab your favorite pen, pull out some markers, and let the creative juices flow! Fill your social void by writing a heartfelt letter to a friend or family member. I know I always love getting mail that does not involve my bank account!

The point of this blog post is to reassure you that Zoom Fatigue is REAL. This is not in your head! If you noticed you have been feeling particularly tired lately, and you’ve been participating in many zoom chats, then you are most likely experiencing this. You are not alone!

Despite many of us beginning to feel the impact of social isolation, it is so important to remember that this will end and normal life will return. We will be able to embrace our loved ones, have lunch with our coworkers, and head to the grocery store WHENEVER WE WANT. Keep your head up, do your best to stay positive, and, as always, reach out to a safe person or therapist if you are feeling overwhelmed.

Posted on

How to Stay Sane during the Coronavirus

5 Ways to Manage the Quarantine

Suggestions to stay safe, both mentally and physically, during this frightening time.

Many of us find ourselves dwelling on the impact of the Coronavirus. It is definitely important to stay up-to-date with pertinent information as the country continues to put safety measures in place. However, how much information is TOO much?

I’ve created a list of ways we can stay mentally healthy during this health pandemic. A few suggestions are that we can limit our access to the news; rely ONLY on credible news sources; set aside time specifically just for worrying; make the most of the quarantine by engaging in enjoyable activities; and keep in mind that this will not last forever!

Although these tips may not provide everyone comfort, it is important to find what works for you! Perhaps you can reach out to friends and family to find out how they are staying safe and healthy during this time.

If you feel your anxiety is unmanageable, then please do not hesitate to reach out for professional help. Many therapists, including myself, have transitioned to teletherapy services during this time; and many health insurances are providing telehealth benefits even if your original plan does not offer it. Reach out today for a free 15-minute consultation to begin services!