Trauma Therapist
Understanding your trauma is the first step to reclaiming your power. 💪🏻✌🏻
Join our Trauma 101 workshop to learn how trauma affects the brain, body, and nervous system.
Start feeling more regulated, resilient, and empowered as a result! ✨
Follow my instagram page JanelWetzel.Therapy for sneak peeks of what I’ll be covering in the workshop🤍
Hey, mama. I see you.
Doing all the things, all the time, for all the people. Packing lunches, planning parties, making doctor appointments, sorting through school papers. Being an employee, a daughter, a sister, a friend, a good spouse—but the biggest title of all: mother.
You are the joy-maker, the soft landing, the warm hug, the disciplinarian, and the planner.
Society shows motherhood as this perfect, magical experience—but the truth is, it can be messy, tiring, and emotionally overwhelming. It’s a lot—balancing multiple hats and navigating so many emotions, some of which aren’t even your own (cue the tiny humans with the big feelings).
What can make all of this even harder is feeling like we’re alone in the struggle, because quite frankly, the difficulties of motherhood aren’t talked about frequently. There’s this fear of judgment—that if we admit to the challenges or say how hard it can be, we’re ungrateful or a “bad mom.”
And honestly, I’m here—as a licensed clinical social worker and a mom of three—to say that talking about the struggles actually makes you a better mom. Taking breaks away from your kids, carving out time for yourself, and learning more about common mental health challenges and strategies for coping makes you a better mama. It allows you to show up as a stronger, healthier, and more present parent for your children. You wouldn’t be reading this if you weren’t striving for exactly that: to be your best self.
One of the most common, but often unspoken, mental health challenges moms face is postpartum anxiety, depression, and even rage. These feelings can show up in many ways, such as intrusive thoughts, uncontrollable worry, sadness that doesn’t go away, irritability, or sudden bursts of anger. Part of what makes this so intense is the biological factor. After giving birth, your hormone levels, especially estrogen and progesterone, drop dramatically, sometimes within just a few days. This hormonal shift can directly affect your mood, energy, and emotional regulation, making feelings of sadness, anxiety, or irritability more likely. In fact, research shows about 1 in 7 women experience postpartum depression, yet nearly half of these mothers go undiagnosed, due to stigma or fear of judgment. Experiencing these emotions does not define your worth as a parent or mean you don’t love your child—it just means your body and brain are adjusting to HUGE changes. Plus, let’s be honest here- being up multiple nights in a row with a screaming baby when you have to be functional the next day… Yeah, I think irritability is valid.
Another common challenge many moms face is burnout. Between caring for children, managing a household, working, and maintaining relationships, it’s easy to feel emotionally, mentally, and physically drained. Burnout can show up as constant fatigue, irritability, feeling “checked out,” or a sense that nothing you do is enough. Some days, you might even feel touched out, like you just can’t take one more tiny hug or smooch. When all you want is a moment of peace… or just to eat a snack without having to lie that it’s “spicy” so you don’t have to share with your little ones.
These thoughts are often accompanied by guilt, because society tells us that a good mom should always have patience, energy, and be in a good mood 24/7. However, that’s just not the reality. Parenting is exhausting and feeling this way does not make you a bad mother. Let me say it again for the people in the back, THIS DOES NOT MAKE YOU A BAD MOM. You are totally allowed to crave a hot cup of coffee that has not been microwaved 5 times already. This is not too much to ask for.
Who here has ever caught themselves thinking, “I should be doing more,” or “Am I enough for them?” Even when you’re giving your best, guilt and self-criticism can sneak in. Maybe you feel guilty for wanting a break, for not getting every chore done, or for losing patience with your kiddos. Or maybe it’s something small—like letting your kids eat cereal for dinner…again—and suddenly you feel like the worst parent on the planet. Not all of us have a “village” to rely on, so sometimes it feels like the weight of the world is squarely on your shoulders and you’re expected to figure it all out. Society and social media often make it seem like a “good mom” is perfect in every way and has it all together, but the reality is, no one can do it all perfectly (What even is perfect?!). In fact, you’re probably doing far more than you give yourself credit for. A little self-compassion goes a long way: noticing these thoughts, giving yourself permission to be human, and reminding yourself that striving for perfection is not the goal. And honestly, if your kids are fed, clothed, safe, and loved, then you’re doing a pretty damn good job.
Remember that person you were before kids? Yeah… me neither. Motherhood can feel like stepping into a new, all-consuming role, and suddenly your sense of self takes a backseat. You may find yourself wondering, “Who am I outside of being a mom?” or mourning the hobbies, friendships, or career goals that once defined you. Maybe you miss long showers without phantom cries, sleeping in on the weekends, or spontaneous nights out with friends. Feeling a little lost, or like your old life belongs to someone else, is completely normal. The good news? This isn’t forever. As your kids grow, you can reclaim parts of your previous life, or even discover entirely new aspects of yourself and your identity. Even small moments of self-care and personal time remind you that your identity as a person is just as important as your identity as a mom. You’ll be back to going out again one day… even if ‘going out’ just means Target alone with a fancy coffee and no diaper bag.
These are just a few mental health challenges to consider. I’m confident that if you spent five minutes in a room full of mothers and asked them to name other mental health struggles, the list would be longer than the CVS receipt.
The point is: these feelings are incredibly common and completely normal. Experiencing any of them does not make you any less of a mom.
While these challenges are common, for some moms, a history of childhood trauma can make certain experiences even more intense. Here’s how trauma can show up in motherhood:
If this resonates with you, it’s important to know that having a trauma history doesn’t mean you will repeat patterns. Through self-awareness, learning new skills, and seeking support, you can break the cycle and parent in ways that are loving, mindful, and healing. It might even be healing for yourself to parent in a way that you never received but may have needed as a kid when you were younger. This is a chance to be the parent you wish you had and to provide a healthy family environment you always wanted.
Thankfully, support is available, and therapy can be a total lifesaver for moms navigating these ups and downs. It’s a safe, judgment-free space where you can actually say the things you’ve been thinking in your head, like how if you hear “Mommy, can I have a snack?” one more time, you might just literally scream. A therapist can help you process past trauma, identify patterns, and teach tools to manage stress and regulate your emotions so those overwhelming feelings don’t take over. Therapy also helps you trust yourself as a parent, check in with your evolving identity, and show up authentically for your kids—without judgment, without perfection, and without the pressure to “fix” anything—because the truth is, you are already exactly who your babies need you to be.
Motherhood is messy, exhausting, joyful, and sometimes downright HARD—and that’s okay. Feeling guilty, burned out, anxious, or unsure of yourself doesn’t make you a bad mom—it makes you human. Every challenge is an opportunity to learn about yourself, grow in your parenting, and show up just doing your best. Whether it’s through therapy, leaning on supportive friends, or carving out small moments for yourself, prioritizing your mental health shouldn’t be a choice- it’s absolutely necessary.
And if there’s one thing to take away from this article: you are crushing it. You show up for your family, do all the things for all the people all the time, and somehow survive (mostly) intact. The house may be a disaster, the kids may have eaten chicken nuggets AGAIN for dinner, but they are happy, safe, and loved. Celebrate even the smallest wins—surviving snack requests, getting everyone out the door, or keeping your cool when your kid had their umpteenth meltdown of the day.
Your kids already think you’re amazing—and honestly, so should you.
School shootings, the war in Ukraine, suicide, death, and other tragedies have sadly become all too common in today’s world. Many parents and teachers are left wondering: How do we talk with children about these events without frightening them further or adding to their distress?
Children respond to trauma in many different ways. Some may have strong emotional reactions right away, while others may begin showing signs of struggle weeks or even months later. Knowing what to look for—and how to respond—can help caregivers support children through these difficult times.
Feeling unsure of what to say, or worrying about saying the “wrong” thing, is completely normal. Parents and teachers are coping with their own emotions, while also trying to support the children in their care. Research shows that supportive, age-appropriate conversations can make a meaningful difference in a child’s healing and sense of safety. As a licensed social worker with experience working with children who have faced trauma, here are some key strategies:
1. Create Safe, Open Spaces
Children need to know it’s okay to bring up scary or confusing topics. You don’t have to call a formal sit down for a “big talk”—often the best conversations happen during everyday moments like car rides, coloring, or helping in the kitchen. What matters most is showing calm openness, letting kids know no question is off-limits, and reassuring them that they won’t be judged or dismissed for what they’re feeling or asking.
2. Keep it Age-Appropriate & Honest
The way we explain events should match a child’s developmental level. Younger children need short, simple, and concrete explanations that reassure them about their safety. School-aged kids can understand a bit more but still need reassurance and clarity. Teens may want direct, honest conversations where they can ask questions and share their views. In every case, it’s best to answer questions truthfully without adding unnecessary or graphic details, and to gently correct any misinformation they may have picked up. You can start by asking what they’ve heard or understand about the event first- this helps you address any misinformation and meet them where they’re at.
3. Validate and Normalize Feelings
Children may react in many different ways: fear, sadness, anger, or sometimes no visible reaction at all. All of these responses are normal. By naming and validating feelings, you show children their emotions make sense and are safe to express. A simple response like, “It’s okay to feel scared after hearing about something like this,” communicates acceptance and connection. This helps kids feel less alone and more supported as they process what happened. Even saying something simple like, “I’m here when you’re ready to talk,” can go a long way in building trust.
4. Model Calm & Stability
Kids are emotional sponges and can take on the emotions of the adults in the room. If they see a caregiver or teacher overwhelmed, they may feel more anxious themselves. It’s important to take care of your own emotional state first—pause, breathe, or talk with another adult—so you can feel more calm while engaging. Keeping up with daily routines can also provide comfort and predictability, letting children know that even in uncertain times, some things remain safe and consistent.
5. Encourage Healthy Coping & Seek Extra Support if Needed
Children often express their feelings best through play, art, or movement rather than words. Encourage them to draw, play outside, journal, or simply spend time with friends and loved ones. Remind them they can always turn to safe adults—parents, teachers, counselors—when they feel overwhelmed. At the same time, keep an eye out for lingering signs of distress such as nightmares, withdrawal, regression, or ongoing anxiety. If those signs persist, seeking support from a mental health professional can make a meaningful difference in helping them heal.
While we can’t shield children from every painful event, we can help them feel safe, supported, and understood. Showing up, listening, and validating their emotions—without needing to have all the answers—can make a lasting impact on a child’s sense of security and resilience.
Talking with Kids After a Traumatic Event: Quick Reference Guide
Simple things to say by age group
Preschool (3–5 years)
“Something sad happened. Some people were hurt, but you are safe.”
“It’s okay to feel scared, sad, or confused.”
“You can always talk to me about how you feel.”
“Would you like to draw or play while we talk?”
School-Age (6–12 years)
“It’s okay to ask questions if something feels confusing or scary.”
“Feeling scared, sad, or angry is normal.”
“I’m here to listen if you want to talk or just be together quietly.”
“Let’s focus on the facts so we don’t get confused by rumors.”
Teens (13–18 years)
“It’s okay to feel many different emotions about what happened.”
“You can ask questions, or we can just talk about how it’s affecting you.”
“You don’t have to deal with these feelings alone.”
“What helps you feel safe or calm? Let’s think about coping strategies together.”
Have you ever felt like your trauma has kept you from opening up to others? Fearful of being judged, pitied, or treated differently based on your past life experiences? You’ve learned that not everyone is supportive or accepting of your past so you keep your pain to yourself, hidden from the world. Because of this, you struggle with feeling real emotions, genuine connection with others, and true intimacy.
You are not alone in feeling this way, but there is hope. Imagine being surrounded by loving women who see you for who you are, not what happened to you. They support you, listen to you, and empathize with you in a way like never before because they too experienced unthinkable pain in their childhood.
Support groups can offer this space of peace and empowerment; knowledge and acceptance; validation and support. Survivors can come together to empower one another; share similar experiences; and relate to thoughts and feelings you’ve kept secret for so many years. The many benefits of support groups can be transformative, empowering, and life-altering.
You might not have to read much further after this first reason! Who else loves solidarity?! The ability to connect with others on issues that have developed as a result of our childhood trauma can be transformative in our healing process. Knowing that others have spent time wondering the same thoughts you have and feeling the same emotions you did after all these years is comforting. These are normal, common reactions to childhood trauma… and here’s proof!
After realizing the members in the group have also experienced similar pain, you are more likely to open up and connect on a deeper level than ever before. This allows us to be seen for who we are and not for what happened to us. You are more than your trauma, and this community recognizes and accepts that.
Grounding techniques, coping skills, and psychoeducation are incredibly helpful tools to have on our healing journey. What better way to learn these than from people who have found their results effective firsthand. Learn from other resilient women how they manage unwanted emotions, anxiety, and PTSD triggers. Licensed facilitators are there to teach psychoeducation as it relates to your abuse as well. Knowledge is power!
Wait, what are feelings? We’ve learned after all these years the importance of denying any feelings from coming to the surface. We force them to stay trapped in a small box with multiple padlocks in the back of our mental closets. Not anymore! Support groups have a way of empowering participants to access those feelings and to express them in the comfort of their peers. Remember, you are not alone. Odds are, the feelings you are expressing, your community of strong survivor women you just met can most likely relate in one way or another.
Support groups host participants from all stages of the healing process. Some women have started their journey years ago, while others are just beginning. This is the beauty of a support group. We can learn from our safe and extraordinary group of magical women by seeing and hearing firsthand that life can get be better. There is hope, and they are proof.
What do you have to lose? Not only can you learn from other survivors, but you have a lot to offer as well. You are a survivor. This alone deserves to be shouted from the rooftops. With this title you have joined a club you did not ask to be a part of. However, let’s take the power back and make this club something powerful, influential, and kick-ass. You have been through hell and back. It’s time for you to do something for yourself and for your personal growth.
If you are interested in joining the Survivors Empowerment Group for womxn survivors of childhood sexual abuse, please check out the Support Groups page. You will find more detailed information about the group, as well as the link to register. Once you have completed the Survivors Empowerment Group then you are eligible for the Life After Childhood Sexual Abuse support group for continued support. For further information, contact Janel Wetzel, LMSW.
Ever wonder how the relationship you had with your parents as a child impacts you today as an adult? Do you think the way they treated you, talked to you, addressed your basic needs affects how you view yourself? Do you find yourself attracted to the same emotionally unavailable romantic partners despite the many heartaches in the past?
The attachment style you share with your caregiver may be to blame.
According to the Random House Unabridged Dictionary, the general definition of Attachment Theory is described as the following:
“A set of concepts that explain the emergence of an emotional bond between an infant and primary caregiver; And the way in which this bond affects the child’s behavioral and emotional development into adulthood.”
…But, what does this mean? The Attachment Theory, created by John Bowlby and collaborated with Mary Ainsworth, is a concept to explain the bond between a child and his/her main caregiver. The theory is categorized into 4 different types of attachment styles: Secure, Insecure Avoidant, Ambivalent/resistant, and Disorganized. The way we connect to our caregivers throughout infancy dictates our relationship patterns throughout adulthood and is based on our internal working models, or, also known as, core beliefs.
Children use their attachment figure as a secure base for exploring the world. When they feel safe, they will venture out and explore the physical world, as well as the social world. This sense of felt safety, fostered by their caregiver, is crucial when developing a sense of self and how they identify with the world. This attachment to our caregivers also impacts our social development which formulates how we view our needs, other people’s needs, and our perception of the world. How the relationship between child and caregiver is in early childhood dictates how our future relationships will be later on in life.
This theory proves that there is so much more to a child/caregiver bond than just providing food and nutrients. Children need to feel safety, security, and comfort, in addition to having their basic needs met. There was a controversial study done in the 1960’s involving monkeys which demonstrated how essential an emotional attachment with their caregiver was to have healthy development. Researchers created two surrogate monkey mothers, one made of wire and wood that provided food, while the other was made of soft cloth that solely provided comfort. After many weeks, the researchers found that baby monkeys spent all of their time clinging to the soft cloth mother who provided the snuggles. Even when the monkey was hungry, he would quickly feed from the wood mother then return to the comfort mother immediately after. Each time the baby monkey was subjected to an emotionally distressing object, the monkey would run to the mother that provided comfort, never to the mother who provided food. This concluded that there is more to developing an emotional bond than simply providing food and nutrients, as was once thought. Although the means to obtaining this information was viewed by some as unethical, the results changed the way psychiatrists and professionals understood attachment and social behavior.
Research shows that a baby between birth and up to 5-years-old can form an attachment with just about anyone. Predominately, the child forms the most impactful attachment with the primary caregiver, such as mom or dad, however, anyone who is around the child the most. Who is answering their cries? Fulfilling their needs? Providing basic safety, security, and comfort? Based on how this caregiver responds to the child’s needs, the attachment styles are created and there are 4 main ways these are categorized: Secure Attachment; Insecure Avoidant; Ambivalent/Resistant; and Disorganized.
John Bowlby, creator of the Attachment Theory, describes a secure attachment figure to be:
“available, responsive, and helpful.”
(Howe, 2011)
Here is an example of what a secure attachment looks like. In this Youtube video, between the start of the clip until 1:08, you will observe Bambi’s secure attachment with his mother. Bambi’s loving mother responded appropriately to his needs when he fell. Because he received gentle encouragement and reassurance, he felt safe to try walking again and to explore with friends.
Here you will observe an example of what an Insecure Attachment style looks like. As you can see, the child is very uninterested in the caregiver or the stranger. The child does not show any distress when the parent leaves and does not need any comfort from anyone. The child feels comfortable and prefers independent play.
Mary Ainsworth describes Disorganized Attachment as the following:
“A child who exhibits behavioral disorganization or disorientation in the form of wandering, confused expressions, freezing, undirected movements, or contradictory (i.e. ‘unorganized’) patterns of interaction with a caregiver.”
(Howe, 2011)
Attachments that are established during our childhood impact us throughout our lifespan. This early bond dictates how we perceive ourselves, others, and the world around us. This concept is known as Internal Working Models or Core Beliefs.
Our Internal Working Models or Core Beliefs are developed based on our connection with our caregivers during the early formative years of our lives. These shape how we treat others, how we treat ourselves, and we expect to be treated. If the caregiver responds appropriately to all of the child’s needs consistently, then the child will feel secure and worthy of love. This will carry into adulthood with expectations of having similar relationships. On the other hand, if the caregiver responds inconsistently to the child’s needs, then the child may enter into adulthood questioning their worthiness of love and respect as they did not receive this regularly in childhood. They may unconsciously seek out similar intimate relationships and friendships for familiarity. They may also develop negative self-image and low self-esteem among others as a result.
Core beliefs are different for everyone. While some may struggle with responsibility and defectiveness, others may find themselves connecting more with needing to be in power or control. It’s important to work with a therapist to discover what internal working models or core beliefs are at the root of your unhealthy relationships, low self-esteem, or negative self-talk.
It’s no secret childhood trauma can impact adulthood. But how? Studies show that having an unhealthy attachment to a caregiver during childhood while also experiencing traumas can certainly dictate how you form relationships in adulthood. A person who grew up with a chaotic upbringing may gravitate towards a chaotic romantic relationship or a partner with a similar childhood as their own. Attachment styles aside from secure can cause maladaptive behaviors throughout the lifespan, such as avoidance and withdrawal. It also increases the risk of mental and physical illnesses throughout adulthood.
It’s also important to recognize that the traumas might not even be from your own experiences. Parents who experience their own childhood trauma can often pass their symptoms onto their children unknowingly. A parent may react to triggers from their own unresolved trauma. Their child may witness their parent’s behaviors and reactions to the trauma, as a result, causing the child to be fearful of the parents’ trigger as well as the parent. This is also known as intergenerational trauma.
Okay, great. I have an unhealthy attachment with my caregiver and I have negative core beliefs. NOW WHAT?!
Come to therapy! Through awareness, cognitive restructuring, trauma healing, and mindfulness, you can begin to shift your mindset to a more healthy way of thinking. You can manage your core beliefs by challenging them. You can improve your self-esteem and confidence to feel worthy of love and respect. These changes will reflect in how you treat others, treat yourself, and how you expect others to treat you.
There are three main interventions I use in my practice to address unhealthy attachment styles. They are: Eye Movement Desensitization & Reprocessing Therapy (EMDR); Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT); and Mindfulness meditation.
There is hope for you to interrupt this unhealthy cycle! Do not let your negative childhood experiences hold you back any longer. Through hardwork and therapy, you can change the way you view yourself and the world around you. Let’s start today.
Attachment Theory. (n.d.) In Random House Unabridged Dictionary. Retrieved from https://www.dictionary.com/browse/attachment-theory
Benoit D. (2004). Infant-parent attachment: Definition, types, antecedents, measurement and outcome. Paediatrics & child health, 9(8), 541–545. doi:10.1093/pch/9.8.541
Bowlby, J. (1980). Loss: Sadness & depression. Attachment and loss (vol. 3); (International psycho-analytical library no.109). London: Hogarth Press.
Bretherton, I. (1992). The origins of attachment theory: John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth. Developmental Psychology, 28(5), 759–775. https://doi- org.proxy.lib.wayne.edu/10.1037/0012-1649.28.5.759
Howe T.R. (2011) Disorganized/Disoriented Attachment. In: Goldstein S., Naglieri J.A. (eds) Encyclopedia of Child Behavior and Development. Springer, Boston, MA
McLeod, S. A. (2018, Aug 05). Mary Ainsworth. Retrieved fromhttps://www.simplypsychology.org/mary-ainsworth.html
Michael Meehan, Bronwyn Massavelli & Nancy Pachana (2017) Using Attachment Theory and Social Support Theory to Examine and Measure Pets as Sources of Social Support and Attachment Figures,Anthrozoös, 30:2, 273-289, DOI: 10.1080/08927936.2017.1311050
Rincón-Cortés, M., & Sullivan, R. M. (2014). Early life trauma and attachment: Immediate and enduring effects on neurobehavioral and stress axis development. Frontiers in Endocrinology, 5, 33. doi:10.3389/fendo.2014.00033