Journaling offers many mental health benefits. Whether you prefer typing it out on the computer, the notes app on your phone, or pen and paper, journaling provides an outlet for emotional expression. This form of communication can be a great tool for processing complex emotions, reducing the intensity, and providing an overall sense of relief.
Additionally, journaling serves as a form of stress reduction by enabling individuals to unload worries, fears, and concerns onto paper. Externalizing thoughts can lead to a clearer and more organized mind, ultimately reducing stress and anxiety. Using journaling as a creative outlet can be stress-relieving for some. Self-expression allows individuals to explore their creativity through writing, drawing, or collage. This creative expression promotes relaxation, enjoyment, and a sense of fulfillment.
Journaling facilitates problem-solving by helping individuals identify and process challenges in their lives. By exploring potential solutions, they can gain clarity and perspective, making it easier to develop effective strategies for addressing issues. Organizing worries on paper can provide mental space for more positivity and optimism to see the stressors in a different light.
As a mental health clinician, I recommend journaling to encourage self-reflection. By examining thoughts, behaviors, and patterns over time, individuals can gain valuable insights into their emotions, values, and goals, fostering personal growth and development. Through self-reflection, journaling can promote self-compassion and self-acceptance by validating one’s own feelings and experiences.
Overall, journaling is a powerful tool for enhancing mental health and well-being, offering opportunities for emotional expression, stress reduction, self-reflection, problem-solving, gratitude, validation, and creative expression.
Reflection Questions: SELF-LOVE
What does self-love mean to you personally?
What are some common challenges to practicing self-love? How do you overcome these obstacles?
How has your relationship with yourself evolved over time?
How does self-love impact your relationship with others?
What are some misconceptions about self-love?
Can you share any tips for others who may be struggling with self-love?
Journaling is a versatile and powerful tool for nurturing mental health and well-being. Whether you prefer to jot down your thoughts with pen and paper or type them out on a digital device, the act of journaling offers numerous benefits, including emotional expression, stress reduction, self-reflection, and creative exploration. As we embark on this journey of self-discovery and healing through journaling, I invite you to join me in periodic reflections on self-love and personal growth. Through these reflection questions, we can deepen our understanding of ourselves, cultivate self-compassion, and foster a greater sense of well-being. Together, let’s embrace the transformative power of journaling to unlock our inner wisdom and resilience.
Ever wonder how the relationship you had with your parents as a child impacts you today as an adult? Do you think the way they treated you, talked to you, addressed your basic needs affects how you view yourself? Do you find yourself attracted to the same emotionally unavailable romantic partners despite the many heartaches in the past?
The attachment style you share with your caregiver may be to blame.
What is Attachment Theory?
According to the Random House Unabridged Dictionary, the general definition of Attachment Theory is described as the following:
“A set of concepts that explain the emergence of an emotional bond between an infant and primary caregiver; And the way in which this bond affects the child’s behavioral and emotional development into adulthood.”
…But, what does this mean? The Attachment Theory, created by John Bowlby and collaborated with Mary Ainsworth, is a concept to explain the bond between a child and his/her main caregiver. The theory is categorized into 4 different types of attachment styles: Secure, Insecure Avoidant, Ambivalent/resistant, and Disorganized. The way we connect to our caregivers throughout infancy dictates our relationship patterns throughout adulthood and is based on our internal working models, or, also known as, core beliefs.
Children use their attachment figure as a secure base for exploring the world. When they feel safe, they will venture out and explore the physical world, as well as the social world. This sense of felt safety, fostered by their caregiver, is crucial when developing a sense of self and how they identify with the world. This attachment to our caregivers also impacts our social development which formulates how we view our needs, other people’s needs, and our perception of the world. How the relationship between child and caregiver is in early childhood dictates how our future relationships will be later on in life.
Harlow’s Monkeys
This theory proves that there is so much more to a child/caregiver bond than just providing food and nutrients. Children need to feel safety, security, and comfort, in addition to having their basic needs met. There was a controversial study done in the 1960’s involving monkeys which demonstrated how essential an emotional attachment with their caregiver was to have healthy development. Researchers created two surrogate monkey mothers, one made of wire and wood that provided food, while the other was made of soft cloth that solely provided comfort. After many weeks, the researchers found that baby monkeys spent all of their time clinging to the soft cloth mother who provided the snuggles. Even when the monkey was hungry, he would quickly feed from the wood mother then return to the comfort mother immediately after. Each time the baby monkey was subjected to an emotionally distressing object, the monkey would run to the mother that provided comfort, never to the mother who provided food. This concluded that there is more to developing an emotional bond than simply providing food and nutrients, as was once thought. Although the means to obtaining this information was viewed by some as unethical, the results changed the way psychiatrists and professionals understood attachment and social behavior.
Attachment Styles
Research shows that a baby between birth and up to 5-years-old can form an attachment with just about anyone. Predominately, the child forms the most impactful attachment with the primary caregiver, such as mom or dad, however, anyone who is around the child the most. Who is answering their cries? Fulfilling their needs? Providing basic safety, security, and comfort? Based on how this caregiver responds to the child’s needs, the attachment styles are created and there are 4 main ways these are categorized: Secure Attachment; Insecure Avoidant; Ambivalent/Resistant; and Disorganized.
SECURE ATTACHMENT
John Bowlby, creator of the Attachment Theory, describes a secure attachment figure to be: “available, responsive, and helpful.”
(Howe, 2011)
Child sees the caregiver as a safe base
feels safe to explore the world
Confident the caregiver can meet their needs
Can seek the caregiver in times of distress
Infants are easily soothed by the caregiver
Caregiver is sensitive to their signals & responds appropriately EVERY SINGLE TIME
EXAMPLE OF SECURE ATTACHMENT
Here is an example of what a secure attachment looks like. In this Youtube video, between the start of the clip until 1:08, you will observe Bambi’s secure attachment with his mother. Bambi’s loving mother responded appropriately to his needs when he fell. Because he received gentle encouragement and reassurance, he felt safe to try walking again and to explore with friends.
INSECURE AVOIDANT
Children investigate environment without any caregiver safe-base
Very independent of the attachment figure
Both emotionally and physically
Does not seek contact during distress
Caregiver typically is unresponsive
Insensitive and dismissive to child’s needs
Unavailable during emotional distress
Does not help with difficult tasks
Possibly experience avoidant attachment patterns during their own childhood with their caregiver
EXAMPLE OF INSECURE AVOIDANT
Here you will observe an example of what an Insecure Attachment style looks like. As you can see, the child is very uninterested in the caregiver or the stranger. The child does not show any distress when the parent leaves and does not need any comfort from anyone. The child feels comfortable and prefers independent play.
AMBIVALENT/RESISTANT
Children do not trust the caregiver
Caused by an inconsistent level of response from the caregiver
Caregiver responds appropriately to child’s needs only SOMETIMES
Wary of strangers
Separation anxiety when attachment figure leaves
However, can not be comforted or soothed by caregiver upon return
Children seem to be reluctant to get as close as they would like to the caregiver
EXAMPLE OF AMBIVALENT/RESISTANT
DISORGANIZED
Mary Ainsworth describes Disorganized Attachment as the following: “A child who exhibits behavioral disorganization or disorientation in the form of wandering, confused expressions, freezing, undirected movements, or contradictory (i.e. ‘unorganized’) patterns of interaction with a caregiver.”
(Howe, 2011)
Most children have history of trauma and/or abuse
Difficulty controlling their emotions and behaviors
Possibly aggressive or angry
Not trusting of adults & poor social skills
May show fear of caregiver
Person that should be providing comfort is actually causing fear
Attachment style can be caused by unresolved trauma and loss in the caregiver’s life
Intergenerational trauma
How Does Attachment Impact Adulthood?
Attachments that are established during our childhood impact us throughout our lifespan. This early bond dictates how we perceive ourselves, others, and the world around us. This concept is known as Internal Working Models or Core Beliefs.
Our Internal Working Models or Core Beliefs are developed based on our connection with our caregivers during the early formative years of our lives. These shape how we treat others, how we treat ourselves, and we expect to be treated. If the caregiver responds appropriately to all of the child’s needs consistently, then the child will feel secure and worthy of love. This will carry into adulthood with expectations of having similar relationships. On the other hand, if the caregiver responds inconsistently to the child’s needs, then the child may enter into adulthood questioning their worthiness of love and respect as they did not receive this regularly in childhood. They may unconsciously seek out similar intimate relationships and friendships for familiarity. They may also develop negative self-image and low self-esteem among others as a result.
Core beliefs are different for everyone. While some may struggle with responsibility and defectiveness, others may find themselves connecting more with needing to be in power or control. It’s important to work with a therapist to discover what internal working models or core beliefs are at the root of your unhealthy relationships, low self-esteem, or negative self-talk.
Attachment & Childhood Trauma
It’s no secret childhood trauma can impact adulthood. But how? Studies show that having an unhealthy attachment to a caregiver during childhood while also experiencing traumas can certainly dictate how you form relationships in adulthood. A person who grew up with a chaotic upbringing may gravitate towards a chaotic romantic relationship or a partner with a similar childhood as their own. Attachment styles aside from secure can cause maladaptive behaviors throughout the lifespan, such as avoidance and withdrawal. It also increases the risk of mental and physical illnesses throughout adulthood.
It’s also important to recognize that the traumas might not even be from your own experiences. Parents who experience their own childhood trauma can often pass their symptoms onto their children unknowingly. A parent may react to triggers from their own unresolved trauma. Their child may witness their parent’s behaviors and reactions to the trauma, as a result, causing the child to be fearful of the parents’ trigger as well as the parent. This is also known as intergenerational trauma.
Effective Interventions
Okay, great. I have an unhealthy attachment with my caregiver and I have negative core beliefs. NOW WHAT?!
Come to therapy! Through awareness, cognitive restructuring, trauma healing, and mindfulness, you can begin to shift your mindset to a more healthy way of thinking. You can manage your core beliefs by challenging them. You can improve your self-esteem and confidence to feel worthy of love and respect. These changes will reflect in how you treat others, treat yourself, and how you expect others to treat you.
There are three main interventions I use in my practice to address unhealthy attachment styles. They are: Eye Movement Desensitization & Reprocessing Therapy (EMDR); Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT); and Mindfulness meditation.
Eye Movement Desensitization & Reprocessing Therapy (EMDR)
Intervention used to heal from past traumas and other negative associations.
Check out What is EMDR? to learn more about this type of intervention.
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)
Changes our perceptions including our thoughts, behaviors, and emotions.
“What we think affects how we feel and act; what we do affects how we think and feel; and what we feel affects how we think and act.”
Mindfulness Meditation
Teaches how to relax your body in order to effectively manage anxiety and control triggers.
There is hope for you to interrupt this unhealthy cycle! Do not let your negative childhood experiences hold you back any longer. Through hardwork and therapy, you can change the way you view yourself and the world around you. Let’s start today.
Attachment Theory. (n.d.) In Random House Unabridged Dictionary. Retrieved from https://www.dictionary.com/browse/attachment-theory
Benoit D. (2004). Infant-parent attachment: Definition, types, antecedents, measurement and outcome. Paediatrics & child health, 9(8), 541–545. doi:10.1093/pch/9.8.541
Bowlby, J. (1980). Loss: Sadness & depression. Attachment and loss (vol. 3); (International psycho-analytical library no.109). London: Hogarth Press.
Bretherton, I. (1992). The origins of attachment theory: John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth. Developmental Psychology, 28(5), 759–775. https://doi- org.proxy.lib.wayne.edu/10.1037/0012-1649.28.5.759
Howe T.R. (2011) Disorganized/Disoriented Attachment. In: Goldstein S., Naglieri J.A. (eds) Encyclopedia of Child Behavior and Development. Springer, Boston, MA
Michael Meehan, Bronwyn Massavelli & Nancy Pachana (2017) Using Attachment Theory and Social Support Theory to Examine and Measure Pets as Sources of Social Support and Attachment Figures,Anthrozoös, 30:2, 273-289, DOI: 10.1080/08927936.2017.1311050
Rincón-Cortés, M., & Sullivan, R. M. (2014). Early life trauma and attachment: Immediate and enduring effects on neurobehavioral and stress axis development. Frontiers in Endocrinology, 5, 33. doi:10.3389/fendo.2014.00033
Reflect back to the time when you fell off the monkey bars at 8-years-old and broke your arm. The shooting pain, rushing to the hospital, doctors consulting with your parents in the waiting room are ingrained in your memory. You remember feeling intense pain and fear which is why, as an adult, you are terrified of the hospital. The thought of stepping foot inside an emergency room brings you back to that childlike state at 8-years-old. Breaking out into a cold sweat, gripped with anxiety, and a shortness of breath are just a few of the symptoms that you experience when someone mentions the word “hospital.” This fear can be traced back to when you were just 8-years-old and broke your arm. You know you need to overcome this fear, but how? You’ve tried talk therapy for years, but it did not seem to help.
EMDR Therapy, also known as Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing, is an intervention used to help individuals heal from symptoms or past traumas. Although falling off the monkey bars at 8-years-old can have a traumatic impact on a person, EMDR therapy can be a very effective tool at helping individuals overcome complex traumas such as abuse, neglect, assault, and much more.
With focusing on external stimulus such as bilateral eye movements, an individual is able to recall painful memories and process them. Because of this, clients are then able to replace the negative core beliefs associated with these memories to a more positive, empowering personal belief. Just like when a physical wound gets infected, a person can only heal so much if it is not properly cleaned. In relation to mental health, the negative feelings associated with a memory are like the infection. EMDR is the medicine that cleans it out so that the person can continue to emotionally grow! The ultimate goal of EMDR therapy is that clients conclude treatment feeling more empowered by the memories that once haunted them.
Does it Work?
Over 100,000 clinicians who use EMDR therapy worldwide agree it is a very effective intervention for treating trauma. There have been more than 30 studies done for research that measured the effectiveness of EMDR therapy. The results are astounding. One study found that after only three 90-minute sessions, 84-90% of individuals who experienced single-trauma incidents were no longer diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Another study found that 100% of single-trauma survivors and 77% of multiple-trauma survivors were no longer diagnosed with PTSD after only six 50-minute sessions.
Who is Eligible For EMDR?
You may be asking yourself, “Am I good fit for EMDR Therapy?” If you can answer the following questions positively, than most likely, EMDR therapy will be a great intervention for you.
Do you have healthy coping skills?
It is essential for clients participating in EMDR therapy to have a generous list of ways to manage anxiety, depression, PTSD symptoms, and other unwanted emotions. Being able to emotionally self-regulate will be necessary in your healing journey for any triggers that may arise outside of session. Your therapist will work with you during Phase 2 of treatment to help create a calm space and other grounding techniques, but it is important to come prepared. For a list of helpful tools to manage trauma triggers, check out this article to get a jumpstart.
Are you in a safe & stable home environment with a support system?
Healing from trauma can only happen when the client is no longer in an unsafe environment. There are no longer triggers present in the home that remind them of the trauma they are working through. Knowing one has a safe home to return to after sessions and has a reliable support system to turn to will aid in healing.
Will you be able to sit in the discomfort of the painful memories?
Part of the EMDR process is to stir up memories from the past we have worked so hard to avoid for all these years. Sitting in the discomfort and challenging oneself to tap into those emotions can be triggering; however, without this step, the healing process will not be effective. This is why establishing healthy coping skills and grounding techniques prior to engaging in EMDR therapy is so crucial.
Does your schedule allow for regular weekly sessions?
EMDR therapy is an 8-phase treatment approach, which means this intervention is comprehensive. It is important for clients to commit to the process and to their healing journey by attending weekly sessions, sometimes more frequently depending on therapist’s recommendations. Skipping sessions can interfere with the process and interrupt any growth or progress made.
In addition to the above prerequisites, EMDR therapy can be effective for a variety of conditions, including, but not limited to:
Anxiety
Depression
Complex trauma
Single-incident trauma
PTSD
Grief
Personality Disorders
Addictions
Fears & Phobias
Chronic Pain & Illness
Treatment Description
EMDR therapy focuses on three different time periods: the past, present, and future. The past is related to the disturbing memories; the present focuses on current distressing symptoms; and then developing positive core beliefs is aimed for future actions. These are broken down into an eight-phase treatment approach.
Phase 1: The EMDR therapist and client create a treatment plan and discuss potential memory targets that cause emotional distress.
Phase 2: The therapist will teach client grounding techniques and will also help the client create a “safe place,” which is used to handle emotional distress throughout the EMDR process.
Phase 3-6: During phases 3-6, the client chooses a positive cognition about self to replace the negative core belief. Periodically throughout these phases, body scans and emotional responses will be measured. Initially, the client is asked to focus on the memory, negative thought, and the body sensations while the therapist engages in bilateral stimulation. Once the client reports having zero emotional distress when visualizing the memory, the therapist will ask the client to switch their focus to the identified positive core belief.
Phase 7: This is the closing phase of the process. At this time, the therapist may chose to end the session with a grounding technique, such as guided imagery, meditation, or visiting the “safe place” established in Phase 2. The therapist will also ask the client to keep a log or a journal throughout the week to record any related material.
Phase 8: This phase is completed at the start of the next session. The therapist and client will explore whether or not the targeted memory is still causing emotional distress. If it is, then EMDR will continue starting at Phase 4. If the emotional distress is absent, then it is safe to continue onto the next traumatic memory.
EMDR therapy can be a great primary intervention; however, it can also be a great addition to talk therapy depending on the client’s personal needs. Check-in with your therapist to see what would be the best fit for your treatment plan.
For More Resources
EMDR Institute, INC. (2020). Retrieved from https://www.emdr.com/what-is-emdr/.
