Let’s be honest for a second. The holiday season isn’t always merry, cheery, and bright for everyone.
The thought of being in a room with parents, siblings, grandparents, cousins-once-removed, that aunt or uncle no one’s really sure how they are connected might feel super overwhelming; and, quite frankly, less than desirable right now. Aunt Susie asking 20 times if you want seconds, dodging political convos at all costs, avoiding the family drama- This requires mental energy and it might even cause serious anxiety and mental health triggers.
It’s okay to not see the “joy” and “magic” during the holidays. It’s okay to be right where you are. I’ve asked some clients of mine to contribute to this post. I asked them, “How are we going to maintain boundaries and manage triggers for the next 30+ days?” I’ve compiled a list of their responses and included them in this post. And, I have to admit, coming for a clinical perspective, these are spot on.
LISTEN TO YOUR BODY
Sure, it’s important to get in as much family time as possible during the holiday season, especially with those out-of-towners. However, it’s also super important to get enough rest. Holidays require days, sometimes even weeks of preparing, cooking, baking, traveling, stress, anxiety, and so much more! Be sure to balance this madness with the proper self-care by snuggling up to watch Hallmark movies, meditating, taking a bubble bath, or simply skipping the umpteenth holiday party to stay home and rest- whatever your body is telling you.
TAKE BREAKS
There is nothing wrong with taking a few minutes to yourself at the holiday party. Walking away from the family chaos into a quiet room or running to the store to get an unneeded/unnecessary extra gallon of milk to regroup and recharge is perfectly acceptable. In fact, it is high encouraged! Listen to the signals your body is giving you. Are you beginning to feel anxious? Irritable? Sad? Be mindful of what’s going on inside and escape to a peaceful place as needed.
IT’S OKAY TO SAY “NO”
I don’t know who needs to hear this, but IT’S OKAY TO SAY “NO.” Saying no to that extra piece of pie Aunt Carol is pushing; saying “no” to a conversation topic; saying “no” to the holiday party if it means over-exhausting yourself; saying “no” to do what is right for you and your family. This is all okay! Setting and maintaining boundaries can be difficult with family members, especially during the holidays. Saying, “I appreciate the invite, however, I will be staying home this year” might be the key to a happy, healthy holiday for you.
ACKNOWLEDGE TRIGGERS
It’s perfectly normal for those with trauma histories to be triggered by the holidays. Seeing family members after years of silence; memories surrounding the season; and feelings that have been buried may come up. If you think this is a possibility, reach out to a therapist! Feeling in control of our emotions and learning ways to manage these triggers will come in handy when faced with these obstacles. It also doesn’t hurt to create a “mental health toolbox “- dorky and cliché, I know, but it totally works! Fill your purse, small bag, or coat pocket with the following small essentials to help ground yourself during moments of charged emotions:
- Hard candies, preferably something sour, lemon, or peppermint
- Peppermint gum
- A nail file
- A small clove of garlic… just kidding, but something smelly like hand sanitizer!
The point is to fill our “toolbox” with items that engage our senses. This brings us back into our window of tolerance, in touch with our bodies, and acknowledges the present moment. If you are interested in more ways to cope with triggers, check out my other blog post for more tips!
ASK FOR HELP
There’s no surprise the extra stress of the holidays can stir up some holiday blues. Whether you are grieving loved ones who are no longer with us, relationships you wish were different, people you wish were here, and the uncertainty of the future- you are not alone this holiday season. If you notice the impact of the holiday season is starting to overwhelm you, be sure to connect with someone you feel safe with. Ask them to go for a walk, grab a cup of coffee, or just to sit with you so you are not alone.