Journaling offers many mental health benefits. Whether you prefer typing it out on the computer, the notes app on your phone, or pen and paper, journaling provides an outlet for emotional expression. This form of communication can be a great tool for processing complex emotions, reducing the intensity, and providing an overall sense of relief.
Additionally, journaling serves as a form of stress reduction by enabling individuals to unload worries, fears, and concerns onto paper. Externalizing thoughts can lead to a clearer and more organized mind, ultimately reducing stress and anxiety. Using journaling as a creative outlet can be stress-relieving for some. Self-expression allows individuals to explore their creativity through writing, drawing, or collage. This creative expression promotes relaxation, enjoyment, and a sense of fulfillment.
Journaling facilitates problem-solving by helping individuals identify and process challenges in their lives. By exploring potential solutions, they can gain clarity and perspective, making it easier to develop effective strategies for addressing issues. Organizing worries on paper can provide mental space for more positivity and optimism to see the stressors in a different light.
As a mental health clinician, I recommend journaling to encourage self-reflection. By examining thoughts, behaviors, and patterns over time, individuals can gain valuable insights into their emotions, values, and goals, fostering personal growth and development. Through self-reflection, journaling can promote self-compassion and self-acceptance by validating one’s own feelings and experiences.
Overall, journaling is a powerful tool for enhancing mental health and well-being, offering opportunities for emotional expression, stress reduction, self-reflection, problem-solving, gratitude, validation, and creative expression.
Reflection Questions: SELF-LOVE
What does self-love mean to you personally?
What are some common challenges to practicing self-love? How do you overcome these obstacles?
How has your relationship with yourself evolved over time?
How does self-love impact your relationship with others?
What are some misconceptions about self-love?
Can you share any tips for others who may be struggling with self-love?
Journaling is a versatile and powerful tool for nurturing mental health and well-being. Whether you prefer to jot down your thoughts with pen and paper or type them out on a digital device, the act of journaling offers numerous benefits, including emotional expression, stress reduction, self-reflection, and creative exploration. As we embark on this journey of self-discovery and healing through journaling, I invite you to join me in periodic reflections on self-love and personal growth. Through these reflection questions, we can deepen our understanding of ourselves, cultivate self-compassion, and foster a greater sense of well-being. Together, let’s embrace the transformative power of journaling to unlock our inner wisdom and resilience.
Frequently, therapists receive questions like, “What exactly happens during therapy sessions?” and “When is the right time to seek therapy?” These are excellent questions, and I’m here to break it down a little! In this article, I’ll be providing insights into what transpires in a session, guiding you on when therapy might be beneficial, and offering tips on finding the right therapist.
What Is Therapy?
Therapy or counseling is a process where licensed professionals such as a therapist or counselor provide a safe, confidential space for individuals to gain a greater understanding of their emotions, thoughts, and behaviors, as well as their past experiences, interpersonal relationships, and sense of self. Collaboratively, the therapist and client will create goals that will be the focus of their journey together. Common therapeutic treatment goals might involve processing past experiences and relationships, overcoming current challenges, learning coping skills, and promoting a greater sense of worth and well-being. Within the goals, the therapeutic team will establish an anticipated timeline which will determine the approximate timeframe.
During each session, the therapist will use a specific intervention tailored to each client. A few therapeutic approaches might be Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT), Eye Movement Desensitization & Reprocessing (EMDR), or Internal Family Systems (IFS). Each intervention focuses on different presenting issues with specific exercises and tools associated. The therapist will use their clinical experience to determine which intervention would be the best fit for the client.
When Might Therapy Be Beneficial For Someone?
Everyone struggles with obstacles at some point in their life. We all have experiences from our past that we think about periodically, or certain memories that stick with us despite efforts to minimize. Feelings of sadness and bouts of depression have most likely affected everyone at some point in their life.
However, when should someone reach out for professional help? One way to know for sure is by asking yourself if your mental health concerns are starting to negatively impact your ability to function occupationally, relationally, and emotionally. Are you noticing your work responsibilities are not being completed? Perhaps increased irritability and isolation are keeping you from friends? Is your sleep being significantly interrupted because of ruminating thoughts or excessive worry? These might be signs you are ready for a little extra support. Seeking therapy can help you regain control by exploring what’s at the root of the symptoms and then learning some ways to manage and overcome.
Some other signs one could benefit from therapy:
Ongoing feelings of distress, sadness, anxiety, or stress despite efforts to minimize. No matter how many walks you go on, self-care efforts, or hours spent with bucket-filling people, the distress remains.
Relational conflict is very common for therapeutic support. Conflict with loved ones, friends, coworkers can take up a significant amount of mental space causing worry, stress, and even trigger past trauma wounds.
Any form of grief: death of a loved one, anticipatory grief, collective grief, chronic grief. End of a relationship, major life change, any type of significant transition can cause emotional turmoil.
Low self-esteem, self-worth, and self-love can impact ability to function at one’s highest potential.
Struggling with personal development such as personal growth, self-identity, or exploring career advancement.
Unresolved trauma from the past or present.
How To Find The Right Therapist
Finding the right therapist can be difficult and time-consuming when you are unsure what to even look for! It is important to find a therapist you feel comfortable with in order to have a productive therapy experience. You are entering into a very psychologically and personally intimate relationship, so it is important you connect with a few different therapists and ask questions to feel comfortable moving forward. Reaching out for therapy is extremely brave and vulnerable so you might as well make it worth it!
Here are a few questions that may be helpful in making your selection:
Ask about their experience related to your symptoms or reason for coming to therapy.
Explore what their expertise is and what makes them credible in that area.
Consider what therapeutic interventions they would use based on your presenting issues.
Learn which insurance the therapist accepts and if they accept Out-Of-Network coverage, as well as out-of-pocket fees if your insurance does not match.
Most private practice clinicians will offer a free 15-minute phone consultation where you can ask these questions. Additional common questions I receive during this time are:
Do you give homework between sessions?
What does a typical session look like?
How long have you been a therapist?
If you are seeking therapy to process and explore unresolved trauma, it is highly recommended you ask trauma-related questions, such as:
Are you trauma-informed?
What is your approach in working with complex trauma?
Do you have experience working with clients who have experienced physical/sexual/emotional/etc childhood trauma? (related to your specific type of trauma)
Asking these questions can help you assess if the therapist’s style, approach, and general personality align with your needs and preferences. Ask yourself, “What am I looking to get out of therapy?” and then reflect if the therapist’s answers will help guide you there. Trust your instincts!
The reality is that therapy can look so different for everyone and it’s so important to identify what feels right for you. As we breakdown the therapeutic process, it becomes clear that therapy isn’t just about “fixing” our current symptoms. It’s about our overall well-being and addressing what’s at the root of the symptom. By recognizing the signs for professional help and understanding the importance of finding the right therapist, we empower ourselves to start our healing journey and become the best versions of ourselves. Remember, the decision to seek therapy is incredibly brave. Lean into what this journey has to offer, trust the process, and embrace the opportunities for growth that lie ahead.
Let’s be honest for a second. The holiday season isn’t always merry, cheery, and bright for everyone.
The thought of being in a room with parents, siblings, grandparents, cousins-once-removed, that aunt or uncle no one’s really sure how they are connected might feel super overwhelming; and, quite frankly, less than desirable right now. Aunt Susie asking 20 times if you want seconds, dodging political convos at all costs, avoiding the family drama- This requires mental energy and it might even cause serious anxiety and mental health triggers.
It’s okay to not see the “joy” and “magic” during the holidays. It’s okay to be right where you are. I’ve asked some clients of mine to contribute to this post. I asked them, “How are we going to maintain boundaries and manage triggers for the next 30+ days?” I’ve compiled a list of their responses and included them in this post. And, I have to admit, coming for a clinical perspective, these are spot on.
LISTEN TO YOUR BODY
Sure, it’s important to get in as much family time as possible during the holiday season, especially with those out-of-towners. However, it’s also super important to get enough rest. Holidays require days, sometimes even weeks of preparing, cooking, baking, traveling, stress, anxiety, and so much more! Be sure to balance this madness with the proper self-care by snuggling up to watch Hallmark movies, meditating, taking a bubble bath, or simply skipping the umpteenth holiday party to stay home and rest- whatever your body is telling you.
TAKE BREAKS
There is nothing wrong with taking a few minutes to yourself at the holiday party. Walking away from the family chaos into a quiet room or running to the store to get an unneeded/unnecessary extra gallon of milk to regroup and recharge is perfectly acceptable. In fact, it is high encouraged! Listen to the signals your body is giving you. Are you beginning to feel anxious? Irritable? Sad? Be mindful of what’s going on inside and escape to a peaceful place as needed.
IT’S OKAY TO SAY “NO”
I don’t know who needs to hear this, but IT’S OKAY TO SAY “NO.” Saying no to that extra piece of pie Aunt Carol is pushing; saying “no” to a conversation topic; saying “no” to the holiday party if it means over-exhausting yourself; saying “no” to do what is right for you and your family. This is all okay! Setting and maintaining boundaries can be difficult with family members, especially during the holidays. Saying, “I appreciate the invite, however, I will be staying home this year” might be the key to a happy, healthy holiday for you.
ACKNOWLEDGE TRIGGERS
It’s perfectly normal for those with trauma histories to be triggered by the holidays. Seeing family members after years of silence; memories surrounding the season; and feelings that have been buried may come up. If you think this is a possibility, reach out to a therapist! Feeling in control of our emotions and learning ways to manage these triggers will come in handy when faced with these obstacles. It also doesn’t hurt to create a “mental health toolbox “- dorky and cliché, I know, but it totally works! Fill your purse, small bag, or coat pocket with the following small essentials to help ground yourself during moments of charged emotions:
Hard candies, preferably something sour, lemon, or peppermint
Peppermint gum
A nail file
A small clove of garlic… just kidding, but something smelly like hand sanitizer!
The point is to fill our “toolbox” with items that engage our senses. This brings us back into our window of tolerance, in touch with our bodies, and acknowledges the present moment. If you are interested in more ways to cope with triggers, check out my other blog post for more tips!
ASK FOR HELP
There’s no surprise the extra stress of the holidays can stir up some holiday blues. Whether you are grieving loved ones who are no longer with us, relationships you wish were different, people you wish were here, and the uncertainty of the future- you are not alone this holiday season. If you notice the impact of the holiday season is starting to overwhelm you, be sure to connect with someone you feel safe with. Ask them to go for a walk, grab a cup of coffee, or just to sit with you so you are not alone.
Remember, this is your holiday season, too. You are worthy and deserving of experiencing your holiday in the mental and physical space that you choose.
Have you ever felt like your trauma has kept you from opening up to others? Fearful of being judged, pitied, or treated differently based on your past life experiences? You’ve learned that not everyone is supportive or accepting of your past so you keep your pain to yourself, hidden from the world. Because of this, you struggle with feeling real emotions, genuine connection with others, and true intimacy.
You are not alone in feeling this way, but there is hope. Imagine being surrounded by loving women who see you for who you are, not what happened to you. They support you, listen to you, and empathize with you in a way like never before because they too experienced unthinkable pain in their childhood.
Support groups can offer this space of peace and empowerment; knowledge and acceptance; validation and support. Survivors can come together to empower one another; share similar experiences; and relate to thoughts and feelings you’ve kept secret for so many years. The many benefits of support groups can be transformative, empowering, and life-altering.
Realize You’re Not Alone
You might not have to read much further after this first reason! Who else loves solidarity?! The ability to connect with others on issues that have developed as a result of our childhood trauma can be transformative in our healing process. Knowing that others have spent time wondering the same thoughts you have and feeling the same emotions you did after all these years is comforting. These are normal, common reactions to childhood trauma… and here’s proof!
Build A Community Of Strong Women
After realizing the members in the group have also experienced similar pain, you are more likely to open up and connect on a deeper level than ever before. This allows us to be seen for who we are and not for what happened to us. You are more than your trauma, and this community recognizes and accepts that.
Learn Helpful Information
Grounding techniques, coping skills, and psychoeducation are incredibly helpful tools to have on our healing journey. What better way to learn these than from people who have found their results effective firsthand. Learn from other resilient women how they manage unwanted emotions, anxiety, and PTSD triggers. Licensed facilitators are there to teach psychoeducation as it relates to your abuse as well. Knowledge is power!
Express Feelings
Wait, what are feelings? We’ve learned after all these years the importance of denying any feelings from coming to the surface. We force them to stay trapped in a small box with multiple padlocks in the back of our mental closets. Not anymore! Support groups have a way of empowering participants to access those feelings and to express them in the comfort of their peers. Remember, you are not alone. Odds are, the feelings you are expressing, your community of strong survivor women you just met can most likely relate in one way or another.
Gain hope
Support groups host participants from all stages of the healing process. Some women have started their journey years ago, while others are just beginning. This is the beauty of a support group. We can learn from our safe and extraordinary group of magical women by seeing and hearing firsthand that life can get be better. There is hope, and they are proof.
What do you have to lose? Not only can you learn from other survivors, but you have a lot to offer as well. You are a survivor. This alone deserves to be shouted from the rooftops. With this title you have joined a club you did not ask to be a part of. However, let’s take the power back and make this club something powerful, influential, and kick-ass. You have been through hell and back. It’s time for you to do something for yourself and for your personal growth.
If you are interested in joining the Survivors Empowerment Group for womxn survivors of childhood sexual abuse, please check out the Support Groups page. You will find more detailed information about the group, as well as the link to register. Once you have completed the Survivors Empowerment Group then you are eligible for the Life After Childhood Sexual Abuse support group for continued support. For further information, contact Janel Wetzel, LMSW.
Ever wonder how the relationship you had with your parents as a child impacts you today as an adult? Do you think the way they treated you, talked to you, addressed your basic needs affects how you view yourself? Do you find yourself attracted to the same emotionally unavailable romantic partners despite the many heartaches in the past?
The attachment style you share with your caregiver may be to blame.
What is Attachment Theory?
According to the Random House Unabridged Dictionary, the general definition of Attachment Theory is described as the following:
“A set of concepts that explain the emergence of an emotional bond between an infant and primary caregiver; And the way in which this bond affects the child’s behavioral and emotional development into adulthood.”
…But, what does this mean? The Attachment Theory, created by John Bowlby and collaborated with Mary Ainsworth, is a concept to explain the bond between a child and his/her main caregiver. The theory is categorized into 4 different types of attachment styles: Secure, Insecure Avoidant, Ambivalent/resistant, and Disorganized. The way we connect to our caregivers throughout infancy dictates our relationship patterns throughout adulthood and is based on our internal working models, or, also known as, core beliefs.
Children use their attachment figure as a secure base for exploring the world. When they feel safe, they will venture out and explore the physical world, as well as the social world. This sense of felt safety, fostered by their caregiver, is crucial when developing a sense of self and how they identify with the world. This attachment to our caregivers also impacts our social development which formulates how we view our needs, other people’s needs, and our perception of the world. How the relationship between child and caregiver is in early childhood dictates how our future relationships will be later on in life.
Harlow’s Monkeys
This theory proves that there is so much more to a child/caregiver bond than just providing food and nutrients. Children need to feel safety, security, and comfort, in addition to having their basic needs met. There was a controversial study done in the 1960’s involving monkeys which demonstrated how essential an emotional attachment with their caregiver was to have healthy development. Researchers created two surrogate monkey mothers, one made of wire and wood that provided food, while the other was made of soft cloth that solely provided comfort. After many weeks, the researchers found that baby monkeys spent all of their time clinging to the soft cloth mother who provided the snuggles. Even when the monkey was hungry, he would quickly feed from the wood mother then return to the comfort mother immediately after. Each time the baby monkey was subjected to an emotionally distressing object, the monkey would run to the mother that provided comfort, never to the mother who provided food. This concluded that there is more to developing an emotional bond than simply providing food and nutrients, as was once thought. Although the means to obtaining this information was viewed by some as unethical, the results changed the way psychiatrists and professionals understood attachment and social behavior.
Attachment Styles
Research shows that a baby between birth and up to 5-years-old can form an attachment with just about anyone. Predominately, the child forms the most impactful attachment with the primary caregiver, such as mom or dad, however, anyone who is around the child the most. Who is answering their cries? Fulfilling their needs? Providing basic safety, security, and comfort? Based on how this caregiver responds to the child’s needs, the attachment styles are created and there are 4 main ways these are categorized: Secure Attachment; Insecure Avoidant; Ambivalent/Resistant; and Disorganized.
SECURE ATTACHMENT
John Bowlby, creator of the Attachment Theory, describes a secure attachment figure to be: “available, responsive, and helpful.”
(Howe, 2011)
Child sees the caregiver as a safe base
feels safe to explore the world
Confident the caregiver can meet their needs
Can seek the caregiver in times of distress
Infants are easily soothed by the caregiver
Caregiver is sensitive to their signals & responds appropriately EVERY SINGLE TIME
EXAMPLE OF SECURE ATTACHMENT
Here is an example of what a secure attachment looks like. In this Youtube video, between the start of the clip until 1:08, you will observe Bambi’s secure attachment with his mother. Bambi’s loving mother responded appropriately to his needs when he fell. Because he received gentle encouragement and reassurance, he felt safe to try walking again and to explore with friends.
INSECURE AVOIDANT
Children investigate environment without any caregiver safe-base
Very independent of the attachment figure
Both emotionally and physically
Does not seek contact during distress
Caregiver typically is unresponsive
Insensitive and dismissive to child’s needs
Unavailable during emotional distress
Does not help with difficult tasks
Possibly experience avoidant attachment patterns during their own childhood with their caregiver
EXAMPLE OF INSECURE AVOIDANT
Here you will observe an example of what an Insecure Attachment style looks like. As you can see, the child is very uninterested in the caregiver or the stranger. The child does not show any distress when the parent leaves and does not need any comfort from anyone. The child feels comfortable and prefers independent play.
AMBIVALENT/RESISTANT
Children do not trust the caregiver
Caused by an inconsistent level of response from the caregiver
Caregiver responds appropriately to child’s needs only SOMETIMES
Wary of strangers
Separation anxiety when attachment figure leaves
However, can not be comforted or soothed by caregiver upon return
Children seem to be reluctant to get as close as they would like to the caregiver
EXAMPLE OF AMBIVALENT/RESISTANT
DISORGANIZED
Mary Ainsworth describes Disorganized Attachment as the following: “A child who exhibits behavioral disorganization or disorientation in the form of wandering, confused expressions, freezing, undirected movements, or contradictory (i.e. ‘unorganized’) patterns of interaction with a caregiver.”
(Howe, 2011)
Most children have history of trauma and/or abuse
Difficulty controlling their emotions and behaviors
Possibly aggressive or angry
Not trusting of adults & poor social skills
May show fear of caregiver
Person that should be providing comfort is actually causing fear
Attachment style can be caused by unresolved trauma and loss in the caregiver’s life
Intergenerational trauma
How Does Attachment Impact Adulthood?
Attachments that are established during our childhood impact us throughout our lifespan. This early bond dictates how we perceive ourselves, others, and the world around us. This concept is known as Internal Working Models or Core Beliefs.
Our Internal Working Models or Core Beliefs are developed based on our connection with our caregivers during the early formative years of our lives. These shape how we treat others, how we treat ourselves, and we expect to be treated. If the caregiver responds appropriately to all of the child’s needs consistently, then the child will feel secure and worthy of love. This will carry into adulthood with expectations of having similar relationships. On the other hand, if the caregiver responds inconsistently to the child’s needs, then the child may enter into adulthood questioning their worthiness of love and respect as they did not receive this regularly in childhood. They may unconsciously seek out similar intimate relationships and friendships for familiarity. They may also develop negative self-image and low self-esteem among others as a result.
Core beliefs are different for everyone. While some may struggle with responsibility and defectiveness, others may find themselves connecting more with needing to be in power or control. It’s important to work with a therapist to discover what internal working models or core beliefs are at the root of your unhealthy relationships, low self-esteem, or negative self-talk.
Attachment & Childhood Trauma
It’s no secret childhood trauma can impact adulthood. But how? Studies show that having an unhealthy attachment to a caregiver during childhood while also experiencing traumas can certainly dictate how you form relationships in adulthood. A person who grew up with a chaotic upbringing may gravitate towards a chaotic romantic relationship or a partner with a similar childhood as their own. Attachment styles aside from secure can cause maladaptive behaviors throughout the lifespan, such as avoidance and withdrawal. It also increases the risk of mental and physical illnesses throughout adulthood.
It’s also important to recognize that the traumas might not even be from your own experiences. Parents who experience their own childhood trauma can often pass their symptoms onto their children unknowingly. A parent may react to triggers from their own unresolved trauma. Their child may witness their parent’s behaviors and reactions to the trauma, as a result, causing the child to be fearful of the parents’ trigger as well as the parent. This is also known as intergenerational trauma.
Effective Interventions
Okay, great. I have an unhealthy attachment with my caregiver and I have negative core beliefs. NOW WHAT?!
Come to therapy! Through awareness, cognitive restructuring, trauma healing, and mindfulness, you can begin to shift your mindset to a more healthy way of thinking. You can manage your core beliefs by challenging them. You can improve your self-esteem and confidence to feel worthy of love and respect. These changes will reflect in how you treat others, treat yourself, and how you expect others to treat you.
There are three main interventions I use in my practice to address unhealthy attachment styles. They are: Eye Movement Desensitization & Reprocessing Therapy (EMDR); Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT); and Mindfulness meditation.
Eye Movement Desensitization & Reprocessing Therapy (EMDR)
Intervention used to heal from past traumas and other negative associations.
Check out What is EMDR? to learn more about this type of intervention.
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)
Changes our perceptions including our thoughts, behaviors, and emotions.
“What we think affects how we feel and act; what we do affects how we think and feel; and what we feel affects how we think and act.”
Mindfulness Meditation
Teaches how to relax your body in order to effectively manage anxiety and control triggers.
There is hope for you to interrupt this unhealthy cycle! Do not let your negative childhood experiences hold you back any longer. Through hardwork and therapy, you can change the way you view yourself and the world around you. Let’s start today.
Attachment Theory. (n.d.) In Random House Unabridged Dictionary. Retrieved from https://www.dictionary.com/browse/attachment-theory
Benoit D. (2004). Infant-parent attachment: Definition, types, antecedents, measurement and outcome. Paediatrics & child health, 9(8), 541–545. doi:10.1093/pch/9.8.541
Bowlby, J. (1980). Loss: Sadness & depression. Attachment and loss (vol. 3); (International psycho-analytical library no.109). London: Hogarth Press.
Bretherton, I. (1992). The origins of attachment theory: John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth. Developmental Psychology, 28(5), 759–775. https://doi- org.proxy.lib.wayne.edu/10.1037/0012-1649.28.5.759
Howe T.R. (2011) Disorganized/Disoriented Attachment. In: Goldstein S., Naglieri J.A. (eds) Encyclopedia of Child Behavior and Development. Springer, Boston, MA
Michael Meehan, Bronwyn Massavelli & Nancy Pachana (2017) Using Attachment Theory and Social Support Theory to Examine and Measure Pets as Sources of Social Support and Attachment Figures,Anthrozoös, 30:2, 273-289, DOI: 10.1080/08927936.2017.1311050
Rincón-Cortés, M., & Sullivan, R. M. (2014). Early life trauma and attachment: Immediate and enduring effects on neurobehavioral and stress axis development. Frontiers in Endocrinology, 5, 33. doi:10.3389/fendo.2014.00033
Suggestions to stay safe, both mentally and physically, during this frightening time.
Many of us find ourselves dwelling on the impact of the Coronavirus. It is definitely important to stay up-to-date with pertinent information as the country continues to put safety measures in place. However, how much information is TOO much?
I’ve created a list of ways we can stay mentally healthy during this health pandemic. A few suggestions are that we can limit our access to the news; rely ONLY on credible news sources; set aside time specifically just for worrying; make the most of the quarantine by engaging in enjoyable activities; and keep in mind that this will not last forever!
Although these tips may not provide everyone comfort, it is important to find what works for you! Perhaps you can reach out to friends and family to find out how they are staying safe and healthy during this time.
If you feel your anxiety is unmanageable, then please do not hesitate to reach out for professional help. Many therapists, including myself, have transitioned to teletherapy services during this time; and many health insurances are providing telehealth benefits even if your original plan does not offer it. Reach out today for a free 15-minute consultation to begin services!
